...is a load of crap. The fact is...words can hurt.
I've spent the better part of this weekend pushing and pulling through a conversation I had on Friday. Yesterday I was frustrated. I was embarassed. I was hurt. Today, I was just sad.
The details of what was said and who said what doesn't matter. A lot of times people say things they don't mean. It's hard to communicate how you really feel sometimes. And then when we try to we end up feeling a silly or we say things we wish we hadn't.
I would consider myself a pretty understanding person. I'm also an intuitive person. And in situations like this, what was actually communicated doesn't really bother me. It's the underlying emotions behind what was said. The conversation was simply a symptom of the real issue. And that is what is killing me right now. The truth is, I have absolutely no control in this situation.
Today was one of those days where I feel so incomplete. Today was a moment where I felt like if my circumstances were a little different, I would be happy. Today...I wished I was someone else.
And that stinks.
On another note, I had a MRI scan on Friday. It was a horrible 2 hour ordeal. I had to lay still for over an hour on this table as they pushed me into a big tube. Did I mention I'm claustrophobic? So many random thoughts during my time in the tunnel. I'll share those later. Pray my Dr calls me early in the week with the results. Thanks for your prayers.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Friday after Thanksgiving...no work for Mel!
I slept in till 9:30 am.
Got dressed at 5:30 pm.
And that's just because I didn't want the pizza delivery guy to see me in my PJ's. :) Thank you Papa Johns!
It's been a good day. Now I just need to get rid of this cold!
Got dressed at 5:30 pm.
And that's just because I didn't want the pizza delivery guy to see me in my PJ's. :) Thank you Papa Johns!
It's been a good day. Now I just need to get rid of this cold!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
A quick snapshot of Mel....
It’s been a while since my last update. There are so many things I want to share. The last couple of months have been quite eventful. Here’s the short version in bullet points. I’ll probably have to explain more later on some of them. =)
- My best friend got married. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. I’ll definitely be blogging about that later.
- My car was broken in to. My laptop was stolen. I was PISSED.
- I got a phone call from a random person and my laptop was returned. It was over $300 to get my window fixed…but I’ve never been so humbled in my entire life. Another blog for this one.
- Work is going great. I’ve been really busy lately and I tend to work an extra hour or so each day. I love what I do. I love the people I work with.
- This is the company I work for. www.anode.com
- I leave my house at 7 am and I usually get home at 6:30 pm. I go to bed at 9. I’m not a huge fan of living so far away from my office.
- I feel like I don’t have a lot of time to myself. And I definitely don’t have a lot of time for friends. It’s lonely.
- Over the past two weeks I’ve had several blood tests, lab work, and a CT scan. I got a call from my doctor on Thursday. It’s been six months since my last round of tests. And there’s no improvement. So…she wants to do more tests. I have to do a MRI on my head.
- I get claustrophobic. So I really hate the idea of laying there and having my head stuck in a loud machine where I can’t move!
- I wake up at least once, sometimes twice, a night with horrible leg cramps. Sometimes it takes up to 20 minutes before they stop.
- It’s really cold in my room right now.
- It’s 7:30 am on Saturday. I’ve been up since 6:15. L
- As I’m typing this, a team of about 40 people are getting ready to board a plane to
- I really miss being a part of the ministry with
- It amazes me how much time changes things.
- I love the smell of Clinique Happy Heart perfume.
- I’m hanging out with some of my best girl friends tonight. I see them maybe once every two months. I cherish them dearly.
I’m going to go scramble some eggs for breakfast now. I’ll write again soon. I promise. Happy Weekend!!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Sunday Afternoons...
When I think of Sunday afternoons, many things come to mind. There's the big lunch after church with friends and family. Football, nap time, maybe an afternoon movie. In the last couple of years, I would often kill some time for a bit and then end up at my favorite coffee shop in Nashville to hang out with friends or catch up on some reading. Sunday afternoons were always a time to relax, and prepare for the week ahead. Oh...and at 8pm, Desperate Housewives comes on. So really...there's a lot to look forward to!
Today...my alarm went off and as soon as I hit snooze I had a choice. Get up, get ready, go to church, and enjoy my day. Or...stay in bed a bit longer. I chose the later. I didn't sleep in long, but I did lay there and think about what this next week holds. I made a mental list of what I needed to do before Monday morning hits. I soon realized...there aren't enough hours in a day for me to do everything I needed to do. So I got up.
This past week has been quite eventful. Work was very busy. I worked late every night and tried to go in a bit early. My great uncle, who has lived next door to my parents for over 30 years, passed away on Thursday morning. He had been sick for a while and we all knew that his time was near. It was very peaceful and he was surrounded by family and friends who loved him. We had the funeral on Saturday and visitation on Friday. My Uncle Frank loved the Lord. He was in church every Sunday up until last week. Everyone who knew him, knew that He loved and served Jesus. What a legacy! It was so neat to watch my family and their friends come together to celebrate his life. Everyone kept talking about their old friends and how much they cherished them. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time with the family this weekend. It was so good.
This next week, I'll be able to rest a bit more. Work should be a good bit quieter this week. Actually, it'll be a lot quieter. So I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to be staying with my best friend for a couple of nights while her husband is out of town. It'll be really good to hang with her. I always feel rested and refreshed after spending time with her.
Just heard the dryer buzz, so I better go hang up my clothes and put in another load. Hopefully I'll start doing better at keeping up with this blog. There are several things that have been on my mind and in my heart that I want to share. Hopefully I'll get those out soon!
Today...my alarm went off and as soon as I hit snooze I had a choice. Get up, get ready, go to church, and enjoy my day. Or...stay in bed a bit longer. I chose the later. I didn't sleep in long, but I did lay there and think about what this next week holds. I made a mental list of what I needed to do before Monday morning hits. I soon realized...there aren't enough hours in a day for me to do everything I needed to do. So I got up.
This past week has been quite eventful. Work was very busy. I worked late every night and tried to go in a bit early. My great uncle, who has lived next door to my parents for over 30 years, passed away on Thursday morning. He had been sick for a while and we all knew that his time was near. It was very peaceful and he was surrounded by family and friends who loved him. We had the funeral on Saturday and visitation on Friday. My Uncle Frank loved the Lord. He was in church every Sunday up until last week. Everyone who knew him, knew that He loved and served Jesus. What a legacy! It was so neat to watch my family and their friends come together to celebrate his life. Everyone kept talking about their old friends and how much they cherished them. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time with the family this weekend. It was so good.
This next week, I'll be able to rest a bit more. Work should be a good bit quieter this week. Actually, it'll be a lot quieter. So I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to be staying with my best friend for a couple of nights while her husband is out of town. It'll be really good to hang with her. I always feel rested and refreshed after spending time with her.
Just heard the dryer buzz, so I better go hang up my clothes and put in another load. Hopefully I'll start doing better at keeping up with this blog. There are several things that have been on my mind and in my heart that I want to share. Hopefully I'll get those out soon!
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Please pray for the Wheelers....
Visit their blog.... http://www.thewheelerjourney.blogspot.com/
Chris and Lindsey have been in the process of adopting a little girl from Guatemala. It's been a really rough journey and yesterday they received some really devastating news. Their blog will tell you the whole story.
Be sure to send them some encouragement!
Chris and Lindsey have been in the process of adopting a little girl from Guatemala. It's been a really rough journey and yesterday they received some really devastating news. Their blog will tell you the whole story.
Be sure to send them some encouragement!
Friday, September 28, 2007
It's finally here!!!
I was so excited to see the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy last night! I think all of us were.
And then at the end of the show, the only thought in my mind was, "I've wasted an hour of my life."
SOOOO CHEESSY!!!
Was anyone else disappointed??
And then at the end of the show, the only thought in my mind was, "I've wasted an hour of my life."
SOOOO CHEESSY!!!
Was anyone else disappointed??
Saturday, August 18, 2007
I'm a hypocritical blogger...
I realized this today. I become silently frustrated with people who don't update thier blogs every day. I start to feel disconnected or left out when I don't read what's going on with them. It's been almost two weeks since my last blog. I went in for a colonoscopy on Monday, Aug 6. I got my results on Monday, Aug 6. Here it is, Saturday Aug 18 and I'm just now updating. So much for keeping my readers on the edge of their seats. HA HA! :) This is why I'm not a writer!! :)
So...what did ole Doc say about my colon. First off, I don't remember anything. I remember freaking out all day Sunday...being sick because I was so hungry and mad that I was in the bathroom for 75% of the day. I get in, they hook me up to the IV, which left a nasty bruise on my hand, and then I get rolled back into a dark room. A few seconds later, I wake up in the same place they had put in the IV and 10 minutes later, I was in the car on my way home. I felt drunk...that was it.
As soon as I came to, my dad and Dr were talking and he said he was really surprised. I have diverticulitis. Which pretty much anyone over 80 years old have and 50% of 60 year olds have. It usually doesn't show up until you're in your 50s, mostly in men. But luckily, in my 27 years of life, I've developed it. I've always been ahead of my time!! I'll let you google and figure out what this means. It's a bit gross, but it's manageable. So I'm increasing my fiber and I'm not allowed to eat things with small seeds. (ie. tomatoes, strawberries, sesame seeds, or any kind of nuts) Lettuce is a huge trigger too...which makes sense as to why I would feel nauseated after eating a salad. OH...and I should watch out for fried foods. So lots of fresh fruit and veggies and bran. mmmm...yucky...I mean yummy. (I need a new attitude!) And I'm on Nexium and another pill that I put under my tongue to dissolve before I eat. It helps to keep my stomach and colon from wigging out when I eat. I'm up to 5 different types of meds each day with a total of 13 pills per day. It's like I'm 70.
So...pretty much everything that I liked, I can't have any more. The worse thing is I can't eat popcorn. I LOVE POPCORN! But this will be good for me. I need more discipline in my life. I need to be more intentional on eating healthy and being healthier overall. They said that raising my activity level will be positive for the condition as well. So, I'm still working towards the 5K in October. Even though I haven't done the first mile....it's 105 degrees for crying out loud!!
In summary, I have the colon of a 70 year old man and I have to start eating healthy and get my butt off the couch. Happy Saturday!!
How are your bowels moving this week??
So...what did ole Doc say about my colon. First off, I don't remember anything. I remember freaking out all day Sunday...being sick because I was so hungry and mad that I was in the bathroom for 75% of the day. I get in, they hook me up to the IV, which left a nasty bruise on my hand, and then I get rolled back into a dark room. A few seconds later, I wake up in the same place they had put in the IV and 10 minutes later, I was in the car on my way home. I felt drunk...that was it.
As soon as I came to, my dad and Dr were talking and he said he was really surprised. I have diverticulitis. Which pretty much anyone over 80 years old have and 50% of 60 year olds have. It usually doesn't show up until you're in your 50s, mostly in men. But luckily, in my 27 years of life, I've developed it. I've always been ahead of my time!! I'll let you google and figure out what this means. It's a bit gross, but it's manageable. So I'm increasing my fiber and I'm not allowed to eat things with small seeds. (ie. tomatoes, strawberries, sesame seeds, or any kind of nuts) Lettuce is a huge trigger too...which makes sense as to why I would feel nauseated after eating a salad. OH...and I should watch out for fried foods. So lots of fresh fruit and veggies and bran. mmmm...yucky...I mean yummy. (I need a new attitude!) And I'm on Nexium and another pill that I put under my tongue to dissolve before I eat. It helps to keep my stomach and colon from wigging out when I eat. I'm up to 5 different types of meds each day with a total of 13 pills per day. It's like I'm 70.
So...pretty much everything that I liked, I can't have any more. The worse thing is I can't eat popcorn. I LOVE POPCORN! But this will be good for me. I need more discipline in my life. I need to be more intentional on eating healthy and being healthier overall. They said that raising my activity level will be positive for the condition as well. So, I'm still working towards the 5K in October. Even though I haven't done the first mile....it's 105 degrees for crying out loud!!
In summary, I have the colon of a 70 year old man and I have to start eating healthy and get my butt off the couch. Happy Saturday!!
How are your bowels moving this week??
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Today sucks.
I'm in such a bad mood, so please excuse my attitude. I just needed to vent a little bit.
If you're a personal friend of mine then you know that the last couple of years, I have had issues with my health. I've seen several different doctors and specialists. I've done every type of test you can think of and I've had countless scans, etc. etc. All of them have ideas as to what my condition is, but none of them can come up with a firm diagnosis. So I'm on some heavy meds that don't seem to be helping for condition that they aren't sure that I have. Some days I feel fine, then there are other days where I'm sick or just in a weird mood. I guess you can call it mood swings...I don't know. But over the last 8 months, my stomach has been wacked. It started when I came back from Haiti in November. I went to the Dr...and they couldn't tell me anything, so I decided that this will just be normal for me and left it alone.
So a couple of weeks ago, I was having some pain in my side. It's happened before, but this time is really hurt. There were several other weird things (but I'll spare you the details.) I went to see my Dr and she referred me to another specialist. I made an appt, and he checked me out. He decided that I may have IBS. So tomorrow morning, I have to go to the hospital and have this little procedure done to check it out. Today, I can't eat anything...no solid foods...and I'm drinking some thick watery stuff to clean me out. You could call it extreme weight loss, I call it torture. I decided to just sit in my room and pout all day. I've got a couple of movies I could watch, and I'm going to drink my gingerale, eat my clear colored jello, and lemon pops.
BOO!! I hate this...
It's hard for me because I really wonder if they'll find anything. I mean, I've been through all this other crap and nothing, so why would this time be different. I'm so cynical I know...but I just can't be positive. We'll see...I'd appreciate some advice, encouragement, and definitely prayers.
Alright, gotta go pee...the liquid diet calls!!
If you're a personal friend of mine then you know that the last couple of years, I have had issues with my health. I've seen several different doctors and specialists. I've done every type of test you can think of and I've had countless scans, etc. etc. All of them have ideas as to what my condition is, but none of them can come up with a firm diagnosis. So I'm on some heavy meds that don't seem to be helping for condition that they aren't sure that I have. Some days I feel fine, then there are other days where I'm sick or just in a weird mood. I guess you can call it mood swings...I don't know. But over the last 8 months, my stomach has been wacked. It started when I came back from Haiti in November. I went to the Dr...and they couldn't tell me anything, so I decided that this will just be normal for me and left it alone.
So a couple of weeks ago, I was having some pain in my side. It's happened before, but this time is really hurt. There were several other weird things (but I'll spare you the details.) I went to see my Dr and she referred me to another specialist. I made an appt, and he checked me out. He decided that I may have IBS. So tomorrow morning, I have to go to the hospital and have this little procedure done to check it out. Today, I can't eat anything...no solid foods...and I'm drinking some thick watery stuff to clean me out. You could call it extreme weight loss, I call it torture. I decided to just sit in my room and pout all day. I've got a couple of movies I could watch, and I'm going to drink my gingerale, eat my clear colored jello, and lemon pops.
BOO!! I hate this...
It's hard for me because I really wonder if they'll find anything. I mean, I've been through all this other crap and nothing, so why would this time be different. I'm so cynical I know...but I just can't be positive. We'll see...I'd appreciate some advice, encouragement, and definitely prayers.
Alright, gotta go pee...the liquid diet calls!!
Friday, July 20, 2007
It's fun Friday!!!
So it's been a crazy week. I feel like I've been going 100 mph the whole month of July!! It's the 20th for crying out loud!
This past weekend, I was so blessed to attend the wedding of Jimmie and Laura Ingram. If I knew how to post pictures....I would. Maybe later! :0) (I'm not as tech savvy as one might think!) The wedding was wonderful. Laura was beautiful in her gown. I've never seen anyone as proud as Jimmie. We were surrounded by great friends...who are more like family. It was just a great weekend.
This week...it's been fast and furious. Work is going good. Busy...which is great. I really love my job. I enjoy the people I work with. I feel like I'm good at what I do. It's very fulfilling. I'm thankful that God has brought me to this place. Life outside of work is good. I was able to catch up with some old friends this week. Ginger was here this weekend for the wedding and Heather is here for vacation this week. It's been great catching up and hanging out.
Yesterday, I did something for the very first time. It's something that most of you have done many times, but I just never have gotten around to it. I decided to go get a pedicure. Yup...first time. Very disappointing!! I thought there would be more to it. I guess that's what I get for going to a place I've never been to by myself. I only paid $20...so I guess I should've gotten the deluxe or something! Oh well...next time, I'll go with my girls and we'll hit up the spa! :)
I made another decision yesterday. I've decided that I'm going to sign up for the 5K in Germantown. They have a 5K run/walk in October for their Oktoberfest. I think it's a good goal. It's several months away, I've only walked like a mile at a time over the past 10 years...so maybe I can work up to 3 or so in a couple of months. :) wish me luck!!!
Random thought....a co worker just walked in and showed me this video. I laughed pretty hard....let me know what you think. :)
This past weekend, I was so blessed to attend the wedding of Jimmie and Laura Ingram. If I knew how to post pictures....I would. Maybe later! :0) (I'm not as tech savvy as one might think!) The wedding was wonderful. Laura was beautiful in her gown. I've never seen anyone as proud as Jimmie. We were surrounded by great friends...who are more like family. It was just a great weekend.
This week...it's been fast and furious. Work is going good. Busy...which is great. I really love my job. I enjoy the people I work with. I feel like I'm good at what I do. It's very fulfilling. I'm thankful that God has brought me to this place. Life outside of work is good. I was able to catch up with some old friends this week. Ginger was here this weekend for the wedding and Heather is here for vacation this week. It's been great catching up and hanging out.
Yesterday, I did something for the very first time. It's something that most of you have done many times, but I just never have gotten around to it. I decided to go get a pedicure. Yup...first time. Very disappointing!! I thought there would be more to it. I guess that's what I get for going to a place I've never been to by myself. I only paid $20...so I guess I should've gotten the deluxe or something! Oh well...next time, I'll go with my girls and we'll hit up the spa! :)
I made another decision yesterday. I've decided that I'm going to sign up for the 5K in Germantown. They have a 5K run/walk in October for their Oktoberfest. I think it's a good goal. It's several months away, I've only walked like a mile at a time over the past 10 years...so maybe I can work up to 3 or so in a couple of months. :) wish me luck!!!
Random thought....a co worker just walked in and showed me this video. I laughed pretty hard....let me know what you think. :)
Thursday, July 5, 2007
A few simple words can make someone's day...
Long story short...I ran into an old friend last night. Actually, more like an aquaintance from about 10 years ago. He had gone to college with the girl I was hanging out with, so he remembered her well...but when I walked up...he was like, "Hey I remember you." A little bit shocked...because seriously, it had been a long time and we really didn't spend a lot of time hanging out before. So it was nice that he remembered.
Later that night he told me that I had the sweetest face. He said, that's why he remembered me so well. I have a sweet face. Totally made my night...and my day today for that matter. Which made me start thinking about this verse.
Proverbs 16:24 "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
It's so easy and so powerful. To be kind...to see something special in another person and to speak it into their life. There's healing in that. We have the power to give healing. So why don't I do it more? I'm thankful that someone spoke healing to me this week.
Later that night he told me that I had the sweetest face. He said, that's why he remembered me so well. I have a sweet face. Totally made my night...and my day today for that matter. Which made me start thinking about this verse.
Proverbs 16:24 "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
It's so easy and so powerful. To be kind...to see something special in another person and to speak it into their life. There's healing in that. We have the power to give healing. So why don't I do it more? I'm thankful that someone spoke healing to me this week.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I just spent a quiet day with Jesus...
I had forgotten the beauty of a quiet day alone. It seems like life has been so busy the last few months. If you are a friend or have kept up with my blog, you know that I've had some pretty big life changes lately. New job, new place to live, new friends. Pretty much my average day to day is new. It's been good.
The last couple of weeks I've been house sitting for a family at my church. It's a pretty big house in Franklin, so another girl is staying here with me. She's an artist, so she's been traveling a lot doing retreats, concerts, and shows around the US. This week and next, she is on a mission trip to Slovenia. So, I'm staying at the house by myself. There's moments where I wig out and make myself scared over nothing. Then, there are those sweet moments, where I am able to just sit and soak and rest.
Today was one of those moments. Kairos....a unique moment in time. At church, we've been going through the book of Hebrews. We've spent the last several months in Chapter 11. Yup...my pastor has been teaching from Hebrews 11 for months. It's amazing to be part of a church that doesn't just hit the surface of truth. I love it. We've learned about Abraham, Noah, Joshua, the wall of Jericho falling, Rahab, and many more.
So...from learning about faith, I've been looking at my own faith the past couple of weeks. This morning, we started into Hebrews 12.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." (Heb 12:1-4)
Surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses, I spent today considering the race that God has set before me. I spent 3 years working full time in the ministry. However, I feel like I have had more opportunity to minister to those around me in the past 3 months vs. those 3 years. My prayer has been that I would be sensitive to the needs of those around me. Do they need encouragement? Do they need a kind word or a smile? Do they need someone to authentically care about them? I believe that everyone is in need of more love. So I give it. Or at least I give what I can...and hope that they can see Jesus through me. I feel like that's my race course.
The next part of this passage talks about laying aside the weight and sin that holds us back. I never thought about it this way, but weight and sin could be considered as two different things. Sin is sin. It sucks...it separates us from our God. The weight he talks about could be a variety of things. It doesn't have to be sin, it could be considered a "good"thing. Weight is what trips us up in the race. It's what holds us back. It may be what makes us look over our shoulder and loose focus on the race. It's what slows us down.
So what's the weight in my life? The sin in my life is pretty obvious. I've held bitterness towards several of my friends. I'm selfish. I'm arrogant, but then I often don't think highly of myself. I see that sin, but I often choose to ignore it. But when I think about the weight that trips me, it's a little bit harder. I had to deal with the weight issue today. My insecurities are what trip me up the most.
I worry what people think of me too much. Which is selfish...because I'm thinking of me and how I'm received. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. I'm perfectly, wonderfully made, and that's the truth...whether I FEEL that way or not. Humility is an accurate perception of yourself. It's knowing our purpose, and our role in this race of life. My role is to encourage and love. Sometimes I don't do that because I don't want people to misread me. I think they may misinterpret my motives. But if my motives are pure, then what's there to question. It's silly and if I'm worried about people questioning my motives, then I need to question them. If I die to myself, then I shouldn't have to worry about what people are thinking. They don't need anything from me anyways, they need Jesus.
So my prayer today, is that I would stop focusing on myself and how I may look as I run the race. I want to run in faith. I pray that my heart would reflect the heart of God. It's His pure heart that guides me with His skillful hands. (Psalm 78:72)
What's the weight in your life??
The last couple of weeks I've been house sitting for a family at my church. It's a pretty big house in Franklin, so another girl is staying here with me. She's an artist, so she's been traveling a lot doing retreats, concerts, and shows around the US. This week and next, she is on a mission trip to Slovenia. So, I'm staying at the house by myself. There's moments where I wig out and make myself scared over nothing. Then, there are those sweet moments, where I am able to just sit and soak and rest.
Today was one of those moments. Kairos....a unique moment in time. At church, we've been going through the book of Hebrews. We've spent the last several months in Chapter 11. Yup...my pastor has been teaching from Hebrews 11 for months. It's amazing to be part of a church that doesn't just hit the surface of truth. I love it. We've learned about Abraham, Noah, Joshua, the wall of Jericho falling, Rahab, and many more.
So...from learning about faith, I've been looking at my own faith the past couple of weeks. This morning, we started into Hebrews 12.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." (Heb 12:1-4)
Surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses, I spent today considering the race that God has set before me. I spent 3 years working full time in the ministry. However, I feel like I have had more opportunity to minister to those around me in the past 3 months vs. those 3 years. My prayer has been that I would be sensitive to the needs of those around me. Do they need encouragement? Do they need a kind word or a smile? Do they need someone to authentically care about them? I believe that everyone is in need of more love. So I give it. Or at least I give what I can...and hope that they can see Jesus through me. I feel like that's my race course.
The next part of this passage talks about laying aside the weight and sin that holds us back. I never thought about it this way, but weight and sin could be considered as two different things. Sin is sin. It sucks...it separates us from our God. The weight he talks about could be a variety of things. It doesn't have to be sin, it could be considered a "good"thing. Weight is what trips us up in the race. It's what holds us back. It may be what makes us look over our shoulder and loose focus on the race. It's what slows us down.
So what's the weight in my life? The sin in my life is pretty obvious. I've held bitterness towards several of my friends. I'm selfish. I'm arrogant, but then I often don't think highly of myself. I see that sin, but I often choose to ignore it. But when I think about the weight that trips me, it's a little bit harder. I had to deal with the weight issue today. My insecurities are what trip me up the most.
I worry what people think of me too much. Which is selfish...because I'm thinking of me and how I'm received. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. I'm perfectly, wonderfully made, and that's the truth...whether I FEEL that way or not. Humility is an accurate perception of yourself. It's knowing our purpose, and our role in this race of life. My role is to encourage and love. Sometimes I don't do that because I don't want people to misread me. I think they may misinterpret my motives. But if my motives are pure, then what's there to question. It's silly and if I'm worried about people questioning my motives, then I need to question them. If I die to myself, then I shouldn't have to worry about what people are thinking. They don't need anything from me anyways, they need Jesus.
So my prayer today, is that I would stop focusing on myself and how I may look as I run the race. I want to run in faith. I pray that my heart would reflect the heart of God. It's His pure heart that guides me with His skillful hands. (Psalm 78:72)
What's the weight in your life??
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Beautiful Words from Beautiful People
"We are called to hold our hands against the wounds of the broken world...to stop the bleeding." -Don Miller
"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." -Mother Teresa
"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." -Mother Teresa
Friday, June 15, 2007
I'm Pro-Choice...
I choose LOVE... No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.
I choose JOY... I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to cynical... the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose PEACE... I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose PATIENCE... I will overlook the inconveniences of this world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose KINDNESS... I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose GOODNESS... I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose FAITHFULNESS... Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My husband will not question my love. And my children will always know I will come home.
I choose GENTLENESS... Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it only be in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. And If I make a demand, may it be only of me.
I choose SELF CONTROL... I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will not, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be full of only joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only be Christ.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will see His Grace.
I choose JOY... I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to cynical... the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose PEACE... I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose PATIENCE... I will overlook the inconveniences of this world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose KINDNESS... I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose GOODNESS... I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose FAITHFULNESS... Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My husband will not question my love. And my children will always know I will come home.
I choose GENTLENESS... Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it only be in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. And If I make a demand, may it be only of me.
I choose SELF CONTROL... I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will not, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be full of only joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only be Christ.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will see His Grace.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
May the Good Lord take a like'n to ya!
Is that how you spell like'n? Or is it liken? Or liking? Or licking? I don't know....
Regardless, a silly man said that to me on the street this week. I was walking down Broadway to run a quick errand and I heard a motorized chair come up behind me. I glanced back and there was this man with a floppy cowboy hat swerving up the sidewalk towards me.
I stepped to the side a little bit and he came up and stopped just next to me. I don't remember what he said exactly at first, but it made me smile. Something to do about the weather and the beautiful day. He threw in a couple of good ole southern cliches. "Like, if I was any better...I'd be twins." It was a brief encounter but one I will remember. As he drove his wheelchair away, he looked back over his should and with a toothless smile said, "May the Good Lord take a like'n to ya!" I smiled even more as I crossed the street.
Today, as I was walking out to go to lunch, I ran in to our mailman "Doc." Yep...that's his name. Or at least that's what everyone calls him. He's the sweetest, nicest mailperson I've ever met. He always has a moment to chat and is the typical southern gentleman. He's the type of guy you'd see walking door to door in a little country town delivering mail. It's great.
Anyways...today, he gets on the elevator as I am getting off the elevator. He had been off work for a couple of days, and I asked how his vacation was. You tend to notice when you don't see Doc's friendly face for a couple of days...so I assumed he was on vacation. The short version is that he helped move his grandfather in law to his in-laws house. So he was happy to be back to work. I laughed.
Then he said this. "You know what's the difference between in-laws and out-laws?" What? "Out-laws are 'wanted'!" :)
Yup...this is a random blog. I just wanted to share these little life moments. Maybe you can share the smile moments too.
Regardless, a silly man said that to me on the street this week. I was walking down Broadway to run a quick errand and I heard a motorized chair come up behind me. I glanced back and there was this man with a floppy cowboy hat swerving up the sidewalk towards me.
I stepped to the side a little bit and he came up and stopped just next to me. I don't remember what he said exactly at first, but it made me smile. Something to do about the weather and the beautiful day. He threw in a couple of good ole southern cliches. "Like, if I was any better...I'd be twins." It was a brief encounter but one I will remember. As he drove his wheelchair away, he looked back over his should and with a toothless smile said, "May the Good Lord take a like'n to ya!" I smiled even more as I crossed the street.
Today, as I was walking out to go to lunch, I ran in to our mailman "Doc." Yep...that's his name. Or at least that's what everyone calls him. He's the sweetest, nicest mailperson I've ever met. He always has a moment to chat and is the typical southern gentleman. He's the type of guy you'd see walking door to door in a little country town delivering mail. It's great.
Anyways...today, he gets on the elevator as I am getting off the elevator. He had been off work for a couple of days, and I asked how his vacation was. You tend to notice when you don't see Doc's friendly face for a couple of days...so I assumed he was on vacation. The short version is that he helped move his grandfather in law to his in-laws house. So he was happy to be back to work. I laughed.
Then he said this. "You know what's the difference between in-laws and out-laws?" What? "Out-laws are 'wanted'!" :)
Yup...this is a random blog. I just wanted to share these little life moments. Maybe you can share the smile moments too.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Choose your words!!
The last couple of days, I've started to get really annoyed with loud people. I realize that at times, I can be loud. But some people are just always loud. And they are ALWAYS talking. And they laugh really loud with this fake laugh all the time. I'm pretty sure I'm about to go POSTAL!!
I'm realize that this is very judgmental and probably completely petty. And this may sound cheesy, but I've really tried to figure out what God might be teaching me in this situation. So I've been praying and here's where I'm at so far. Bottom line...I have no control over the actions or loudness of others. I can be encouraging and I can set an example. But in the end, we are all who we are. So instead of spending time and effort trying to "fix" those around me (which doesn't work anyway); I'm trying to focus on myself and my actions. How can I be a better person and even more an influential person?
It's a common misconception for me that if I act disapproving or angry at a situation...it'll change the situation. Donald Miller has written about a situation like this, so I'll paraphrase and steal his example. (Thanks D!) A guy at his church really annoyed him. Don thought he was immature and loud. So whenever that guy was around, Don would roll his eyes or make snotty comments, thinking that this might influence the guy to grow up a bit. Obviously, it doesn't usually work that way. It might work with a 3 year old and their parents, but not usually with your peers.
So eventually, Don gets convicted and instead of huffing and puffing over this kid, he started loving on him. He offered encouragement instead of sarcasm. He decided to look past the annoying behavior and see the person behind it. He spent time with him and showed him what maturity looks like. Don also loosened up a bit in the process. In the end, the two became good friends. Both became better and grew in the process.
So...back to my world, what do I do now? How can I encourage and influence people in a positive way? And more importantly, what attributes do I need to open up and be willing to change about me? (I'm cynical and sarcastic. That's a start.)
I've also learned that usually people who talk a lot, don't listen very well. They also usually talk a lot because they are trying to prove something or they are insecure about a situation. So in the process, they are thinking about themselves and what they're saying and they are not hearing the other person.
So I ask this question...How well do I listen? That'll be another blog. :)
I'm realize that this is very judgmental and probably completely petty. And this may sound cheesy, but I've really tried to figure out what God might be teaching me in this situation. So I've been praying and here's where I'm at so far. Bottom line...I have no control over the actions or loudness of others. I can be encouraging and I can set an example. But in the end, we are all who we are. So instead of spending time and effort trying to "fix" those around me (which doesn't work anyway); I'm trying to focus on myself and my actions. How can I be a better person and even more an influential person?
It's a common misconception for me that if I act disapproving or angry at a situation...it'll change the situation. Donald Miller has written about a situation like this, so I'll paraphrase and steal his example. (Thanks D!) A guy at his church really annoyed him. Don thought he was immature and loud. So whenever that guy was around, Don would roll his eyes or make snotty comments, thinking that this might influence the guy to grow up a bit. Obviously, it doesn't usually work that way. It might work with a 3 year old and their parents, but not usually with your peers.
So eventually, Don gets convicted and instead of huffing and puffing over this kid, he started loving on him. He offered encouragement instead of sarcasm. He decided to look past the annoying behavior and see the person behind it. He spent time with him and showed him what maturity looks like. Don also loosened up a bit in the process. In the end, the two became good friends. Both became better and grew in the process.
So...back to my world, what do I do now? How can I encourage and influence people in a positive way? And more importantly, what attributes do I need to open up and be willing to change about me? (I'm cynical and sarcastic. That's a start.)
I've also learned that usually people who talk a lot, don't listen very well. They also usually talk a lot because they are trying to prove something or they are insecure about a situation. So in the process, they are thinking about themselves and what they're saying and they are not hearing the other person.
So I ask this question...How well do I listen? That'll be another blog. :)
Saturday, May 5, 2007
I haven't slept at my parent's house in 2 years...
But tonight...I'm doing just that. In my bed, in my old room. It's now my new room...or my room again. Whatever you want to call it.
I got up at 5:30 this morning to finish packing and cleaning out my apartment. I had my family (mom, dad, and Chris) and several wonderful friends who came to help me. We loaded the truck and unloaded at my parent's house in about 2 1/2 hours. All because of Chris, Greg, Shane, and Brandon busting tail to get it done! But 2 1/2 hours, that's pretty dang good if you ask me!!
The downstairs is PACKED full. You walk in the front door and there're boxes and bags and couches and chests. Gosh...I have a lot of crap! My room is somewhat set up. I have my bed and my dresser and chest. Dad hooked up my DVD player to the TV, so I'll be able to watch movies for now. I think we'll have cable here soon hooked upstairs.
I'm anxious to see how it goes living back at home. I haven't lived here in close to 3 years. I've been on my own. I've had several room mates. The majority of time, I either lived by myself, or felt like I was by myself. I think I actually prefer going solo. At least that's what I'm going to go for next time. Or maybe I'll be lucky and my next move will be to live with Mr. McDreamy?!? (I'm ready to meet him...so if you know who my Mr. McDreamy is, please send him my way!)
On a postive note, my new room is fully equiped with wireless internet...so hopefully I'll be better at updating! :) And of course...I'll be surfing a lot more! :)
Well...enough of my rambling. I'll keep you posted. Right now, I'm tired and my knees hurt real bad!
Much love!
I got up at 5:30 this morning to finish packing and cleaning out my apartment. I had my family (mom, dad, and Chris) and several wonderful friends who came to help me. We loaded the truck and unloaded at my parent's house in about 2 1/2 hours. All because of Chris, Greg, Shane, and Brandon busting tail to get it done! But 2 1/2 hours, that's pretty dang good if you ask me!!
The downstairs is PACKED full. You walk in the front door and there're boxes and bags and couches and chests. Gosh...I have a lot of crap! My room is somewhat set up. I have my bed and my dresser and chest. Dad hooked up my DVD player to the TV, so I'll be able to watch movies for now. I think we'll have cable here soon hooked upstairs.
I'm anxious to see how it goes living back at home. I haven't lived here in close to 3 years. I've been on my own. I've had several room mates. The majority of time, I either lived by myself, or felt like I was by myself. I think I actually prefer going solo. At least that's what I'm going to go for next time. Or maybe I'll be lucky and my next move will be to live with Mr. McDreamy?!? (I'm ready to meet him...so if you know who my Mr. McDreamy is, please send him my way!)
On a postive note, my new room is fully equiped with wireless internet...so hopefully I'll be better at updating! :) And of course...I'll be surfing a lot more! :)
Well...enough of my rambling. I'll keep you posted. Right now, I'm tired and my knees hurt real bad!
Much love!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Where's my head??
I drove down Old Hickory Blvd for 10 minutes with my blinker on. What's wrong with me?
I've been stumbling over my words all day. Everytime the phone rings I get nervous that I'll get something backwards. Which has been the case for 75% of my day.
I'm forgetting everything. Someone will tell me something and if I don't write it down...it's gone within 5 minutes.
Anyone else having a day like this??
I've been stumbling over my words all day. Everytime the phone rings I get nervous that I'll get something backwards. Which has been the case for 75% of my day.
I'm forgetting everything. Someone will tell me something and if I don't write it down...it's gone within 5 minutes.
Anyone else having a day like this??
Monday, April 16, 2007
The News...
Why don't the newscasters cry when they read about people who die?
At least they could be decent enough to put just a tear in their eyes
Mama said, "It's just make believe"
You cant believe everything you see
So baby close your eyes to the lullabies
On the news tonight
From "The News" by Jack Johnson
My mind has been everywhere but here today. I keep going online to cnn or google news every chance I get. I've watched as the events at Virginia Tech unfolded, leaving over 30 people dead and many more injured. I can't believe it. I've read stories of students and teachers jumping out of classroom windows, trying to get away from the gunman. Other students are being told to stay where they are, don't go outside or look out your windows. Not knowing the situation, they learn what little information they can from the internet. Just as I have. Can you imagine being in the center of mayhem and the only info you can get comes from a news website? My heart hurts just to think about it.
What caused this person to kill so many? Why did 2 hours pass before anyone knew about the first shots fired? Could this devastating scene have been avoided? I really don't understand...
As the day moves on, I continue to scroll through the pages of headlines. Bush is still selling the war, other politicians are trying to stop it, the Prince broke up with his girlfriend, Madonna is visiting some orphanages, and Sanjaya...well, he's still here. Oh and there's an astronaut running the Boston marathon in space, with a space tourist sleeping in the next cabin.
All of this is on the same page...but is it? What makes news newsworthy? What causes the writers, bloggers, news anchors, and photographers to write what they write, say what they say, and do what they do? What makes all of this interesting to the public audience? What determines what we hear and read?
How is it that there's more on the online news about what's going on with American Idol than about the millions of children who are starving? The thousands of people who are dying from treatable diseases? The devastation in Virginia is horrible. It's absolutely horrible. So many students have been interviewed saying they live in a small, quiet town. It's not something you would expect in a town like this.
I have to pose the question...why are we not shocked on a daily basis that people are dying unjustly in our world? There are men, women, and children who are in desperate need of help and hundreds of thousands of people stand by idly and watch them fall. Why can't we wake up to the fact that WE CAN DO SOMETHING?
There are ministries all over the world that need our money to continue the work. For the cost of a cup of coffee, we can help provide clean water to people who drink from sewage. For the cost of dinner out, I can help a child go to school and get medical care.
What if someone had reached out to, loved, and encouraged the man who shot all of those people today? What difference could that have made? Would it have made a difference? I know we can't really answer those questions. But...can we at least try to keep something like this from happening again?
A question that I continue to ask myself daily...DO I BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS STRONGER THAN HATE? And do I show others that I believe it?
At least they could be decent enough to put just a tear in their eyes
Mama said, "It's just make believe"
You cant believe everything you see
So baby close your eyes to the lullabies
On the news tonight
From "The News" by Jack Johnson
My mind has been everywhere but here today. I keep going online to cnn or google news every chance I get. I've watched as the events at Virginia Tech unfolded, leaving over 30 people dead and many more injured. I can't believe it. I've read stories of students and teachers jumping out of classroom windows, trying to get away from the gunman. Other students are being told to stay where they are, don't go outside or look out your windows. Not knowing the situation, they learn what little information they can from the internet. Just as I have. Can you imagine being in the center of mayhem and the only info you can get comes from a news website? My heart hurts just to think about it.
What caused this person to kill so many? Why did 2 hours pass before anyone knew about the first shots fired? Could this devastating scene have been avoided? I really don't understand...
As the day moves on, I continue to scroll through the pages of headlines. Bush is still selling the war, other politicians are trying to stop it, the Prince broke up with his girlfriend, Madonna is visiting some orphanages, and Sanjaya...well, he's still here. Oh and there's an astronaut running the Boston marathon in space, with a space tourist sleeping in the next cabin.
All of this is on the same page...but is it? What makes news newsworthy? What causes the writers, bloggers, news anchors, and photographers to write what they write, say what they say, and do what they do? What makes all of this interesting to the public audience? What determines what we hear and read?
How is it that there's more on the online news about what's going on with American Idol than about the millions of children who are starving? The thousands of people who are dying from treatable diseases? The devastation in Virginia is horrible. It's absolutely horrible. So many students have been interviewed saying they live in a small, quiet town. It's not something you would expect in a town like this.
I have to pose the question...why are we not shocked on a daily basis that people are dying unjustly in our world? There are men, women, and children who are in desperate need of help and hundreds of thousands of people stand by idly and watch them fall. Why can't we wake up to the fact that WE CAN DO SOMETHING?
There are ministries all over the world that need our money to continue the work. For the cost of a cup of coffee, we can help provide clean water to people who drink from sewage. For the cost of dinner out, I can help a child go to school and get medical care.
What if someone had reached out to, loved, and encouraged the man who shot all of those people today? What difference could that have made? Would it have made a difference? I know we can't really answer those questions. But...can we at least try to keep something like this from happening again?
A question that I continue to ask myself daily...DO I BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS STRONGER THAN HATE? And do I show others that I believe it?
An Article from Relevant Magazine....I had to share
A World of Contradictions
Elora Ramirez
First things first, this is not an attempt to prove to you that I am an expert on Haitian culture and the politics of a country in turmoil. This is an attempt to share, however briefly, the knowledge I gained while experiencing a culture so rich yet so different from my own.
What I know about Haiti is the rain that produces rivers down the dirt roads and feeds into the huts of the locals. What I know about Haiti is the enigmatic pull of beautiful wasteland of Jolli Gilbert. The bustling of school children, running down the sidewalk with matching pastel polo shirts and hand-me-down bottoms, captures my attention. Their laughter ricochets off the dilapidated tin-roof homes, and I smile. One of the children stops mid-stride and looks at the dirt. He begins exclaiming something in a language I can’t understand, but the other children turn in haste and run back towards him. Looking closely, you can see what has demanded their attention. A small butterfly sits quietly on a lone rock—the brilliant colors of its wings a stark contrast to the dirt surrounding it.
I will find that this is what Haiti is full of—contradictions.
I stare out the window of the rusty truck wondering about these children.
How long does it take them to walk the five miles home from school? What do they worry about? Do they have a family? When was the last time they were hugged?
Many of my questions are answered the next day as the children speak to me in their stilted mix of English and Creole about what they do for fun.
One of the girls who is particularly fond of my light skin and blonde hair just sits in my laps and stares. Feeling the intensity of her rich eyes, I look down, smile and she beams with an uncertain familiarity.
Grabbing my face with both of her hands, she whispers, “beyotiful” and wraps me in the tightest hug I’ve received in awhile; our portrait a black and white image of purity and innocence.
I soon find that these children are the most genuine people I have ever met. In their stained T-shirts that have holes from too much wear, the kids find covering—not style. In friendships they possess a solidarity and community that far outweighs Americans’ tendency of keeping each other at arms’ length. When these precious children sing, they sing with the joy of being alive.
They are just that—alive.
Haiti, in all its tragedy and deconstruction, is where I was transformed. When asked to pinpoint a significant turning point in my life, I always reference Haiti. It is here that I believe I lost my innocence. However, it is in this country with rich heritage and beautiful strength that I found myself.
What I remember about Haiti is not the men walking down the street with machine guns, but the women walking with their children—bright smiles echoing off the darkness around them. What I remember about Haiti is not the marketplace full of beggars, but the marketplace full of bright possibilities in the shape of tropical fruit, paintings and jewelry crafted with the hope of a new beginning.
Haiti is more than just the 30-second update the press feeds us. It is a land that has permeated my senses. I still smell the morning dew glistening on the banana leaves. I still feel the coarseness of rocks digging into my skin as I knelt down to talk to the children. I still taste the saltiness of goatskin, a delicacy that was given for our company. I still hear the sweet sounds of worship coming from the lips of believers that truly define faith in action. But most of all, I still see the eyes of those I came in contact with. Tired. Broken. Waiting. Hoping.
A world of contradictions bottled up into a tiny gaze.
Friday, March 30, 2007
I love Nashville
At 5:30 yesterday afternoon, I left my office and walked across the street to the mail drop box. There was a man on the street corner clapping his hands and singing at the top of his lungs. I couldn't help but smile. I don't remember the song he was singing, but as soon as I crossed the street and came right up to him, he started singing an old hymn. He had the biggest smile on his face.
The man was dressed nicely. He didn't appear to be homeless. But his name badge had something like "Homeless Outreach" on it. I wasn't close enough to read his name. I dropped off my mail and kept walking. As I crossed the street again, I started to notice other people's reactions. Some were obviously annoyed. Some smiled like I did. Others laughed at him. I overheard a man say, "Oh, my buddy's still here."
The normal sounds of downtown quickly drowned the voice of the sweet man. As I got in my car, I couldn't help but drive by the corner where he was singing just to make sure he was still there. Traffic on Broadway was slow at that time of night. It was warm outside, but I decided to roll down my windows and listen to the sounds of my beloved city. There was a Predators game, so people were every where. I watched on as tourists stepped into the road to take pictures of the "Batman" building. As I passed all of the restaurants, bars, and honky tonks, I could hear each house band warming up their crowds. Part of me thought about finding a parking spot and joining the party.
I saw about 10 guys standing on the sidewalk or sitting on doorsteps playing their guitars. It seems like they all want to be discovered. Or maybe they just want someone to listen. Could it be that they just love to play and they would do it if no one was there at all? Regardless of the reason, it wouldn't be Music City without them!
Nashville is a beautiful place!
The man was dressed nicely. He didn't appear to be homeless. But his name badge had something like "Homeless Outreach" on it. I wasn't close enough to read his name. I dropped off my mail and kept walking. As I crossed the street again, I started to notice other people's reactions. Some were obviously annoyed. Some smiled like I did. Others laughed at him. I overheard a man say, "Oh, my buddy's still here."
The normal sounds of downtown quickly drowned the voice of the sweet man. As I got in my car, I couldn't help but drive by the corner where he was singing just to make sure he was still there. Traffic on Broadway was slow at that time of night. It was warm outside, but I decided to roll down my windows and listen to the sounds of my beloved city. There was a Predators game, so people were every where. I watched on as tourists stepped into the road to take pictures of the "Batman" building. As I passed all of the restaurants, bars, and honky tonks, I could hear each house band warming up their crowds. Part of me thought about finding a parking spot and joining the party.
I saw about 10 guys standing on the sidewalk or sitting on doorsteps playing their guitars. It seems like they all want to be discovered. Or maybe they just want someone to listen. Could it be that they just love to play and they would do it if no one was there at all? Regardless of the reason, it wouldn't be Music City without them!
Nashville is a beautiful place!
Monday, March 26, 2007
A Whirlwind of a Weekend
This weekend was fast and furious! Friday night I had dinner with my old boss...just to catch up on Haiti, the ministry and other stuff. It was good to see him and I'm glad things were not awkward. I was a little bit worried about that. I went home after and went to bed pretty early.
I got up Saturday morning and met Kendra and Linkon at McDonald's for lunch. Linkon played on the playplace while K and I caught up on life. I looking forward to moving back to Smyrna so I can spend more time with them. I love the Parker family so much and I'm definitely going to have to be around more when little Eli is born in May! :)
After lunch I went over to my mom and dad's. No one was home, so I called and they were at an appliance store picking up a new fridge. Their's went out. So after that whole ordeal, Dad and I start looking at my car to see if we could fix the A/C. It turned out to be a somewhat expensive part and it would take a good bit of work to get it fixed. I had been looking to get a new car in the next couple of weeks, so dad and I decided that we'd go up to Nashville and take a test drive.
Long story short, I now own a 2007 Hyundai Sonata!! 8-D Big Cheesy grin on my face!! It's the first time I've bought a new new car. It had 15 miles on it when I did my test drive. It turned out that I had built some good credit, so I didn't have to get a co-signer. (made me feel good) So...she's beautiful. The car that is. White powder pearl, I think I'll name her "pearl" or "minnie" can't decide yet. So in actuality, it's a white car with sparklely paint. Leather interior, sunroof, 6 disc changer, with a huge sound system, etc. etc. Pretty much loaded. Dad and I figured...why not...it'll up the resale value!!
So...Saturday ended on a high note! :)
Sunday...was a LONG LONG LONG DAY!
Kirk and I left my apartment around 9:30 am to go to East TN. I drove, of course, because you can't buy a car one day and then sit all day the next in someone else's car. It's like getting married and then going on the honeymoon with another person! (ok...bad analogy, but that's all I got). As we drove, we kept saying to each other, "I can't believe I'm driving 5 hours for this." The purpose of our trip was to be part of a surprise party for Crystal & Brandon. I'll have to write about their story later. It's beautiful. But to make all this make sense, I have to tell you that they got engaged this weekend. He took her on a surprise trip to NYC and then they came back to Charlotte. Then drove 3 hours to the Johnson City, where we were all going to be to surprise her at an engagement party. So, of course, Brandon asked Kirk and I to come and of course we said yes. But we were stupid and left Sunday morning to go and come back Sunday night.
As we passed through Knoxville, we stopped and ate at a Cracker Barrel. We walked in and were greeted by lots of people wearing Bristol Motor Speedway shirts. As we sat down Kirk and I put two and two together. We asked our lovely waitress Christina to confirm and we were right. The Bristol Motor speedway (whose race sells out years in advance) was host to that afternoon's race. AHHHH!! We thought...maybe it's a night race?? NOPE! It's scheduled to end just around 6 pm. Kirk and I had planned to leave around 7, because Crystal and Brandon were going to be at the party around 5:30. (enter in a black cloud and a bad attitude for Mel!!)
And if you think about it....Bristol is Brandon and Crystal's names together. Hmm....isn't that cute. Thorn in my side if you ask me!!!
So...we were able to stay and hug and kiss our friends. We congratulated them and then we hit the road. The ride home seemed longer, but we actually made better time. It's easier to speed, when you're ready to be home. Luckily, we only hit a little bit of traffic before Knoxville. The 160,000 racefans were just starting to get on the road, so we beat most of them.
I got home at 10:30 and was asleep before midnight. So I'm a little tired today, but not as bad as I thought I would be. I was really glad I got to see Crystal. She was glowing. I heard some of the story of what they did over the weekend, but I'll have to get details later. She did call me on Friday after he proposed and asked me to be her maid of honor. YEAH!! :)
So....needless to say...I'll be in the bed early tonight!
I got up Saturday morning and met Kendra and Linkon at McDonald's for lunch. Linkon played on the playplace while K and I caught up on life. I looking forward to moving back to Smyrna so I can spend more time with them. I love the Parker family so much and I'm definitely going to have to be around more when little Eli is born in May! :)
After lunch I went over to my mom and dad's. No one was home, so I called and they were at an appliance store picking up a new fridge. Their's went out. So after that whole ordeal, Dad and I start looking at my car to see if we could fix the A/C. It turned out to be a somewhat expensive part and it would take a good bit of work to get it fixed. I had been looking to get a new car in the next couple of weeks, so dad and I decided that we'd go up to Nashville and take a test drive.
Long story short, I now own a 2007 Hyundai Sonata!! 8-D Big Cheesy grin on my face!! It's the first time I've bought a new new car. It had 15 miles on it when I did my test drive. It turned out that I had built some good credit, so I didn't have to get a co-signer. (made me feel good) So...she's beautiful. The car that is. White powder pearl, I think I'll name her "pearl" or "minnie" can't decide yet. So in actuality, it's a white car with sparklely paint. Leather interior, sunroof, 6 disc changer, with a huge sound system, etc. etc. Pretty much loaded. Dad and I figured...why not...it'll up the resale value!!
So...Saturday ended on a high note! :)
Sunday...was a LONG LONG LONG DAY!
Kirk and I left my apartment around 9:30 am to go to East TN. I drove, of course, because you can't buy a car one day and then sit all day the next in someone else's car. It's like getting married and then going on the honeymoon with another person! (ok...bad analogy, but that's all I got). As we drove, we kept saying to each other, "I can't believe I'm driving 5 hours for this." The purpose of our trip was to be part of a surprise party for Crystal & Brandon. I'll have to write about their story later. It's beautiful. But to make all this make sense, I have to tell you that they got engaged this weekend. He took her on a surprise trip to NYC and then they came back to Charlotte. Then drove 3 hours to the Johnson City, where we were all going to be to surprise her at an engagement party. So, of course, Brandon asked Kirk and I to come and of course we said yes. But we were stupid and left Sunday morning to go and come back Sunday night.
As we passed through Knoxville, we stopped and ate at a Cracker Barrel. We walked in and were greeted by lots of people wearing Bristol Motor Speedway shirts. As we sat down Kirk and I put two and two together. We asked our lovely waitress Christina to confirm and we were right. The Bristol Motor speedway (whose race sells out years in advance) was host to that afternoon's race. AHHHH!! We thought...maybe it's a night race?? NOPE! It's scheduled to end just around 6 pm. Kirk and I had planned to leave around 7, because Crystal and Brandon were going to be at the party around 5:30. (enter in a black cloud and a bad attitude for Mel!!)
And if you think about it....Bristol is Brandon and Crystal's names together. Hmm....isn't that cute. Thorn in my side if you ask me!!!
So...we were able to stay and hug and kiss our friends. We congratulated them and then we hit the road. The ride home seemed longer, but we actually made better time. It's easier to speed, when you're ready to be home. Luckily, we only hit a little bit of traffic before Knoxville. The 160,000 racefans were just starting to get on the road, so we beat most of them.
I got home at 10:30 and was asleep before midnight. So I'm a little tired today, but not as bad as I thought I would be. I was really glad I got to see Crystal. She was glowing. I heard some of the story of what they did over the weekend, but I'll have to get details later. She did call me on Friday after he proposed and asked me to be her maid of honor. YEAH!! :)
So....needless to say...I'll be in the bed early tonight!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Champagne and Chocolate Covered Strawberries
...at 2:30 in the afternoon!!!! Yup. My boss keep pouring...so two glasses and about 4 strawberries covered in dark chocolate. And yes; my cheeks are pink. I obviously don't do this often.
Today is a good day.
I've been having a lot of good days at work lately.
Today is a good day.
I've been having a lot of good days at work lately.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
It's nice to overhear someone say something nice about you
I'm starting to realize that more and more I need encouragement from people. For my mental well being, I need to know that I'm needed or that I'm doing a good job. I am definitely my own worse critic and I can really beat myself up sometimes. Then there are days where I actually approve of myself.
Today is one of those days...
We had a company wide meeting this morning. Just a quick 15 minute meeting where my boss announced that he was hiring a new girl to come in as Director of Communications. I'm looking forward to having another woman in the office. This makes 3 out of 18. I'm surrounded by boys!!! AHHH!!! :) So in making the announcement, my boss just shared a couple of goals that he has for the new hire. He said he hopes that the decision to bring her on will be a good one and that she'll grow into the position. He then pointed out that he hopes she'll come in and do a "bang up" job, just as Melanie has done over the last couple of months.
WHAT!?!? WOW! As he said that, several of my co-workers shot big grins my way. Over the pasts couple of weeks, I thought I was doing an OK job and that the people in my office liked me and like what I brought to the team. And then for him to say that this morning...it's been a long time since I've been confirmed in such a way. So today, I feel good about myself...and I approve.
It's nice to overhear someone saying something nice about you; but it's even better when it's announced to your face! :)
Happy Tuesday!
Today is one of those days...
We had a company wide meeting this morning. Just a quick 15 minute meeting where my boss announced that he was hiring a new girl to come in as Director of Communications. I'm looking forward to having another woman in the office. This makes 3 out of 18. I'm surrounded by boys!!! AHHH!!! :) So in making the announcement, my boss just shared a couple of goals that he has for the new hire. He said he hopes that the decision to bring her on will be a good one and that she'll grow into the position. He then pointed out that he hopes she'll come in and do a "bang up" job, just as Melanie has done over the last couple of months.
WHAT!?!? WOW! As he said that, several of my co-workers shot big grins my way. Over the pasts couple of weeks, I thought I was doing an OK job and that the people in my office liked me and like what I brought to the team. And then for him to say that this morning...it's been a long time since I've been confirmed in such a way. So today, I feel good about myself...and I approve.
It's nice to overhear someone saying something nice about you; but it's even better when it's announced to your face! :)
Happy Tuesday!
Friday, March 9, 2007
They're dropping like flies...
So…it seems that many of my friends are in relationships. Some are falling in love, some are in the beginning stages of learning who the other person is, and others are finding their soul mates. It’s really all just a bunch of crap.
No…I’m not bitter and I’m not cynical.
Oh wait…yes I am.
It’s hard to be 26 and alone. My closest friends from high school are married with kids. My very best friend is dating the man of her dreams. I could see them jumping off the cliff into marriage before the end of the year. (Which leads to another thing…being a bridesmaid. Don’t get me started!! ☺) I’m always excited to be in weddings, and honestly…the wedding I am referring to is probably on the top of my list of things I’m excited about. It still doesn’t change the fact that I’m single. And from the looks of things…I probably will be for a while.
Please don’t hear me wrong. I don’t consider myself “shopping” for a boyfriend or a husband. I’m not desperate to grab the first guy that shows any hint of interest in me. I’m just a little anxious to know when and where I may meet the person God has for me. I trust that God is in control and I know that His timing will be perfect. But a part of me is starting to wonder. . . how long will I have to wait?
At the end of April I will be moving back on to live with my parents. Through different circumstances, I’ve decided that this will be the most logical place for now. I don’t think I could handle getting a new roommate. There’s really not any other options as far as that goes. And I would be able to save SO much money if I just stuck it out with mom and dad for a while. I don’t think it’s going to be hard to live at home. My parents are great and they have always allowed me to be independent. I don’t see that changing at all when I go back. But, after living on my own for 3 years, it’s going to be weird and will require an adjustment time.
All of this leads me to ponder a few things. I can’t help but think about these and I really think if I express them, then maybe I can get past them. (you’ll understand in a minute)
How long will I be at home with the folks? I think I could last a year. I would save a great deal of money and be able to establish myself financially. I need to think about a new car. I would love to be able to buy a house or condo at some point. But how long will that take.
When I do leave my parents’ house, will I still be single? That’s the thing that’s weighing heavy on my mind and heart. Will I move home, meet someone and then be able to start life fresh with that person? Or will the next step be on my own? I know that I’m totally thinking fast forward and of course so many other factors come in to play with that one. But I can’t help but wonder. I don’t want all of my friends to be married with teenagers before I can start a family of my own. I don’t want to miss out.
Looking back on the last couple of paragraphs, I realize that there’s a lot of I’s and me’s going on up there. I’m totally focusing on myself and what I don’t have. I am totally happy for those around me who are finding true love. It’s beautiful...absolutely beautiful.
And if I focus on what God wants for my life and if He has someone for me, it’ll be in His timing. Maybe I’m not who I’m supposed to be just yet or maybe the goober husband I’m going to marry isn’t there yet either. So…pray for him with me! ☺ Whoever he is! Hopefully...he'll be ready for me when I do finally meet him.
Lord, I know that you're not done with me yet. But if there's anything I can do to speed up the process...I'll trust you to lead me to obedience in that. Even if it means...I stay single.
No…I’m not bitter and I’m not cynical.
Oh wait…yes I am.
It’s hard to be 26 and alone. My closest friends from high school are married with kids. My very best friend is dating the man of her dreams. I could see them jumping off the cliff into marriage before the end of the year. (Which leads to another thing…being a bridesmaid. Don’t get me started!! ☺) I’m always excited to be in weddings, and honestly…the wedding I am referring to is probably on the top of my list of things I’m excited about. It still doesn’t change the fact that I’m single. And from the looks of things…I probably will be for a while.
Please don’t hear me wrong. I don’t consider myself “shopping” for a boyfriend or a husband. I’m not desperate to grab the first guy that shows any hint of interest in me. I’m just a little anxious to know when and where I may meet the person God has for me. I trust that God is in control and I know that His timing will be perfect. But a part of me is starting to wonder. . . how long will I have to wait?
At the end of April I will be moving back on to live with my parents. Through different circumstances, I’ve decided that this will be the most logical place for now. I don’t think I could handle getting a new roommate. There’s really not any other options as far as that goes. And I would be able to save SO much money if I just stuck it out with mom and dad for a while. I don’t think it’s going to be hard to live at home. My parents are great and they have always allowed me to be independent. I don’t see that changing at all when I go back. But, after living on my own for 3 years, it’s going to be weird and will require an adjustment time.
All of this leads me to ponder a few things. I can’t help but think about these and I really think if I express them, then maybe I can get past them. (you’ll understand in a minute)
How long will I be at home with the folks? I think I could last a year. I would save a great deal of money and be able to establish myself financially. I need to think about a new car. I would love to be able to buy a house or condo at some point. But how long will that take.
When I do leave my parents’ house, will I still be single? That’s the thing that’s weighing heavy on my mind and heart. Will I move home, meet someone and then be able to start life fresh with that person? Or will the next step be on my own? I know that I’m totally thinking fast forward and of course so many other factors come in to play with that one. But I can’t help but wonder. I don’t want all of my friends to be married with teenagers before I can start a family of my own. I don’t want to miss out.
Looking back on the last couple of paragraphs, I realize that there’s a lot of I’s and me’s going on up there. I’m totally focusing on myself and what I don’t have. I am totally happy for those around me who are finding true love. It’s beautiful...absolutely beautiful.
And if I focus on what God wants for my life and if He has someone for me, it’ll be in His timing. Maybe I’m not who I’m supposed to be just yet or maybe the goober husband I’m going to marry isn’t there yet either. So…pray for him with me! ☺ Whoever he is! Hopefully...he'll be ready for me when I do finally meet him.
Lord, I know that you're not done with me yet. But if there's anything I can do to speed up the process...I'll trust you to lead me to obedience in that. Even if it means...I stay single.
The Update...from a previous post on myspace
I posted this blog on myspace a couple of weeks ago and thought I should include it on here. Just a little update on what's going on with the job stuff!
I'm sure that some of you are wondering what has been going on lately. If I haven't talked to you in the past couple of months, you probably have no idea…but I wanted to share with you anyways. Long story short, my last day at the ministry was Jan. 31. I had been working there for over three years. Everything is good and things are great with me and the staff at BGM. (That's usually the first question that is asked…is everything ok?? So I thought I'd go ahead and answer that!) It's just a time of transition for all of us…and it's all a very good one and best of all…It's all in God's timing.
Back in September, I really started struggling with my job there. Another huge struggle was my financial situation. I love this ministry, I love Haiti, and I love the people I work with. But I really do feel like God was directing me elsewhere. So I talked to Brent several months ago and thus began the process of praying through my situation. And my prayers were answered. Although I love what I do, my heart isn't there anymore. And I don't believe that I would be a good steward of my time and my talent if I stayed. I also believe that God has chosen the people to come in to the ministry and fill the needs that are here. His plans are so much better than ours.
Throughout the month of January, I interviewed several places. I started to let people know that I was searching for a job. I posted a couple of myspace bulletins. My friend Isaac saw one of those and then heard that his office was looking for an office manager. (Good timing eh?) So I sent him my resume, interviewed with the President of the company and was offered the job on Friday, January 26. It always seems that when God moves us, He does things quickly! For that I am truly thankful.
As of January 29, I am now the office manager/executive assistant at Anode, engineered experiences. It's a marketing/design firm in Nashville. Check out their website www.anode.com. Our offices are downtown right across the street from the Hard Rock Café. It's a very cool place. I've only been here for a week, but I'm excited about the company and what I'm going to be a part of. The people here are great.
So…that's my story this week. I hope as I get settled in to the new position, that I'll have more time to correspond with friends. I feel so out of the loop and I know that people think that I'm avoiding them. I haven't…things are just super busy. I hope to catch up soon! ?
As of today, I'm loving my new job. I'm learning a lot and I'm getting more and more involved in the whole production process. The people I work with are great and they seem to really like me...so that's always good! :) I'm sure I'll write more later on about this!
SEE YA!
I'm sure that some of you are wondering what has been going on lately. If I haven't talked to you in the past couple of months, you probably have no idea…but I wanted to share with you anyways. Long story short, my last day at the ministry was Jan. 31. I had been working there for over three years. Everything is good and things are great with me and the staff at BGM. (That's usually the first question that is asked…is everything ok?? So I thought I'd go ahead and answer that!) It's just a time of transition for all of us…and it's all a very good one and best of all…It's all in God's timing.
Back in September, I really started struggling with my job there. Another huge struggle was my financial situation. I love this ministry, I love Haiti, and I love the people I work with. But I really do feel like God was directing me elsewhere. So I talked to Brent several months ago and thus began the process of praying through my situation. And my prayers were answered. Although I love what I do, my heart isn't there anymore. And I don't believe that I would be a good steward of my time and my talent if I stayed. I also believe that God has chosen the people to come in to the ministry and fill the needs that are here. His plans are so much better than ours.
Throughout the month of January, I interviewed several places. I started to let people know that I was searching for a job. I posted a couple of myspace bulletins. My friend Isaac saw one of those and then heard that his office was looking for an office manager. (Good timing eh?) So I sent him my resume, interviewed with the President of the company and was offered the job on Friday, January 26. It always seems that when God moves us, He does things quickly! For that I am truly thankful.
As of January 29, I am now the office manager/executive assistant at Anode, engineered experiences. It's a marketing/design firm in Nashville. Check out their website www.anode.com. Our offices are downtown right across the street from the Hard Rock Café. It's a very cool place. I've only been here for a week, but I'm excited about the company and what I'm going to be a part of. The people here are great.
So…that's my story this week. I hope as I get settled in to the new position, that I'll have more time to correspond with friends. I feel so out of the loop and I know that people think that I'm avoiding them. I haven't…things are just super busy. I hope to catch up soon! ?
As of today, I'm loving my new job. I'm learning a lot and I'm getting more and more involved in the whole production process. The people I work with are great and they seem to really like me...so that's always good! :) I'm sure I'll write more later on about this!
SEE YA!
Monday, March 5, 2007
Today...was boring
So...work today. A little bit on the boring side.
Not a lot going on here. My boss is out of town, a couple of the other guys are out, Donna(the only other girl in the office) was out. So, needless to say, it's been incredibly quiet.
I have caught up on some reading of local headlines and crazy stories online. Google news and CNN.com are like two totally different worlds!! It just goes to show that life isn't black and white. What you get out of it, depends on the view. Your perspective means everything. Sometimes your eyes are clouded with distractions. (ignorance, prejudices (also ignorance), or just naivety) We think we know so much.
Brittany Spears tried to kill herself over the weekend. She says she's the antichrist and ran around the rehab center like a crazy person. I can't imagine what her family is feeling right now. I can't imagine how she feels. I'm sure there are moments of sanity. That's the worse. Being aware of the situation and being helpless in trying to maintain that sanity.
The worse part is...the whole world is watching her life unravel. How long will it take for her to have an identity other than the Pop Princess gone Crazy? And of course, I'm waiting with the rest of America to find out who Anna Nicole's Baby's Daddy really is.
So...those are my thoughts for the day. What's going on with you??
Not a lot going on here. My boss is out of town, a couple of the other guys are out, Donna(the only other girl in the office) was out. So, needless to say, it's been incredibly quiet.
I have caught up on some reading of local headlines and crazy stories online. Google news and CNN.com are like two totally different worlds!! It just goes to show that life isn't black and white. What you get out of it, depends on the view. Your perspective means everything. Sometimes your eyes are clouded with distractions. (ignorance, prejudices (also ignorance), or just naivety) We think we know so much.
Brittany Spears tried to kill herself over the weekend. She says she's the antichrist and ran around the rehab center like a crazy person. I can't imagine what her family is feeling right now. I can't imagine how she feels. I'm sure there are moments of sanity. That's the worse. Being aware of the situation and being helpless in trying to maintain that sanity.
The worse part is...the whole world is watching her life unravel. How long will it take for her to have an identity other than the Pop Princess gone Crazy? And of course, I'm waiting with the rest of America to find out who Anna Nicole's Baby's Daddy really is.
So...those are my thoughts for the day. What's going on with you??
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Another Day...Another Chapter
Sometimes I feel like I’m not just changing to a new chapter; I’m starting a whole other book. The last couple of weeks can be summed up into one word…CHANGE. This word and what it entails can bring out so many different emotions. A person might be excited, a little scared, anxious, frustrated, angry, or just down right terrified. For me personally, I have felt the whole spectrum of emotions over the past six months.
Instead of ranting and rambling about everything that has gone on and is going on…I’m just going to tell you about my morning. It’s amazing how God uses the brief moments in our lives to clarify the big picture.
I woke up angry this morning. I wasn’t happy about my situation, the people in my situation, or what the day was going to bring. And to make matters worse…I overslept. So as I was rushing out of the apartment, I grabbed my makeup to do in the car (yes, yell at me…I hate it when people do that too!) and a cherry pop tart for the road. Which was quite disgusting by the time I made it to work because I failed to grab something to drink. I’m sure some of you can relate to pop tart dry mouth!!
So I’m driving to work and of course…traffic is horrible. I decided to get off at Murfreesboro Road and take it on in to downtown. It’s actually a lot quicker than one would think. As I pass by all the old hotels and businesses, I see myself approaching the “project” area of town. I used to get nervous in this area, but after working with inner city ministry, it doesn’t bother me in that way. As I drove past, I saw literally 100s of people walking on their way to work, school, or possibly to go shopping or to see a friend. Others were just sitting along the street waiting for the bus stop. What stuck out the most to me was that I didn’t see one smile in the crowd. It may be that it’s cloudy, it may be that they had a bad morning, or could it be that in their poverty, they lack joy along with possessions. My heart went out to them.
As I turned onto 2nd Ave to go to my parking lot and make it to work, just a couple of minutes behind, I thought about the people that lined the streets. My mind went to Haiti and the people that lined the streets there. In Haiti, you would have to multiply the poverty level by 100 and the number of people definitely increases to the 10s of 1,000s. But much of what I saw was the same. People were not smiling; those Haitians lacked something more in their lives too.
These images filled my thoughts as I walked down 2nd Avenue. I kept seeing the faces from the streets. And then I saw her, a short, round lady wobbling across the parking lot. She was carrying several grocery bags that were stuffed with trash. At least it looked like trash. She stopped next to the large garbage can and set all of her bags down. She picked up several things out of the trash and then I realized what she was doing. As she held up a potato chip bag and poured out any leftover crumbs into her hand. Unfortunately there wasn’t any. So she kept digging. And I kept walking. Neither of us acknowledged the other.
As I took the elevator up to my office, I couldn’t help but ask God why He put those people in my path this morning. I work in a super nice building, with cool people, and make good money. Should I feel guilty, should I give money to those people? What do I do now?
I sat down at my desk, got online and checked my MySpace, just like every person does first thing in the morning. And I saw the faces of the people who have frustrated me the most in the past couple of weeks. And then I realized that I wasn’t angry anymore. I was sad. Sad that I had wasted so much time being frustrated, that I held grudges and was being selfish. Why did I let someone else’s attitude and actions influence mine so greatly? Why did I blatantly sin like that? It was because I was thinking of me first. And for that I’m sorry Lord.
So today…I’m thankful for the traffic. I’m thankful that I hit the snooze button a couple of times. I am truly blessed beyond measure…regardless of how I might “feel” sometimes. I look forward to the story He is writing through me today. I trust the Author and I yield even if it means we’re starting a new book. Because it’s always better than what I would write anyway.
Instead of ranting and rambling about everything that has gone on and is going on…I’m just going to tell you about my morning. It’s amazing how God uses the brief moments in our lives to clarify the big picture.
I woke up angry this morning. I wasn’t happy about my situation, the people in my situation, or what the day was going to bring. And to make matters worse…I overslept. So as I was rushing out of the apartment, I grabbed my makeup to do in the car (yes, yell at me…I hate it when people do that too!) and a cherry pop tart for the road. Which was quite disgusting by the time I made it to work because I failed to grab something to drink. I’m sure some of you can relate to pop tart dry mouth!!
So I’m driving to work and of course…traffic is horrible. I decided to get off at Murfreesboro Road and take it on in to downtown. It’s actually a lot quicker than one would think. As I pass by all the old hotels and businesses, I see myself approaching the “project” area of town. I used to get nervous in this area, but after working with inner city ministry, it doesn’t bother me in that way. As I drove past, I saw literally 100s of people walking on their way to work, school, or possibly to go shopping or to see a friend. Others were just sitting along the street waiting for the bus stop. What stuck out the most to me was that I didn’t see one smile in the crowd. It may be that it’s cloudy, it may be that they had a bad morning, or could it be that in their poverty, they lack joy along with possessions. My heart went out to them.
As I turned onto 2nd Ave to go to my parking lot and make it to work, just a couple of minutes behind, I thought about the people that lined the streets. My mind went to Haiti and the people that lined the streets there. In Haiti, you would have to multiply the poverty level by 100 and the number of people definitely increases to the 10s of 1,000s. But much of what I saw was the same. People were not smiling; those Haitians lacked something more in their lives too.
These images filled my thoughts as I walked down 2nd Avenue. I kept seeing the faces from the streets. And then I saw her, a short, round lady wobbling across the parking lot. She was carrying several grocery bags that were stuffed with trash. At least it looked like trash. She stopped next to the large garbage can and set all of her bags down. She picked up several things out of the trash and then I realized what she was doing. As she held up a potato chip bag and poured out any leftover crumbs into her hand. Unfortunately there wasn’t any. So she kept digging. And I kept walking. Neither of us acknowledged the other.
As I took the elevator up to my office, I couldn’t help but ask God why He put those people in my path this morning. I work in a super nice building, with cool people, and make good money. Should I feel guilty, should I give money to those people? What do I do now?
I sat down at my desk, got online and checked my MySpace, just like every person does first thing in the morning. And I saw the faces of the people who have frustrated me the most in the past couple of weeks. And then I realized that I wasn’t angry anymore. I was sad. Sad that I had wasted so much time being frustrated, that I held grudges and was being selfish. Why did I let someone else’s attitude and actions influence mine so greatly? Why did I blatantly sin like that? It was because I was thinking of me first. And for that I’m sorry Lord.
So today…I’m thankful for the traffic. I’m thankful that I hit the snooze button a couple of times. I am truly blessed beyond measure…regardless of how I might “feel” sometimes. I look forward to the story He is writing through me today. I trust the Author and I yield even if it means we’re starting a new book. Because it’s always better than what I would write anyway.
Monday, February 19, 2007
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