I just spent a quiet day with Jesus...

I had forgotten the beauty of a quiet day alone. It seems like life has been so busy the last few months. If you are a friend or have kept up with my blog, you know that I've had some pretty big life changes lately. New job, new place to live, new friends. Pretty much my average day to day is new. It's been good.

The last couple of weeks I've been house sitting for a family at my church. It's a pretty big house in Franklin, so another girl is staying here with me. She's an artist, so she's been traveling a lot doing retreats, concerts, and shows around the US. This week and next, she is on a mission trip to Slovenia. So, I'm staying at the house by myself. There's moments where I wig out and make myself scared over nothing. Then, there are those sweet moments, where I am able to just sit and soak and rest.

Today was one of those moments. Kairos....a unique moment in time. At church, we've been going through the book of Hebrews. We've spent the last several months in Chapter 11. Yup...my pastor has been teaching from Hebrews 11 for months. It's amazing to be part of a church that doesn't just hit the surface of truth. I love it. We've learned about Abraham, Noah, Joshua, the wall of Jericho falling, Rahab, and many more.

So...from learning about faith, I've been looking at my own faith the past couple of weeks. This morning, we started into Hebrews 12.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." (Heb 12:1-4)

Surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses, I spent today considering the race that God has set before me. I spent 3 years working full time in the ministry. However, I feel like I have had more opportunity to minister to those around me in the past 3 months vs. those 3 years. My prayer has been that I would be sensitive to the needs of those around me. Do they need encouragement? Do they need a kind word or a smile? Do they need someone to authentically care about them? I believe that everyone is in need of more love. So I give it. Or at least I give what I can...and hope that they can see Jesus through me. I feel like that's my race course.

The next part of this passage talks about laying aside the weight and sin that holds us back. I never thought about it this way, but weight and sin could be considered as two different things. Sin is sin. It sucks...it separates us from our God. The weight he talks about could be a variety of things. It doesn't have to be sin, it could be considered a "good"thing. Weight is what trips us up in the race. It's what holds us back. It may be what makes us look over our shoulder and loose focus on the race. It's what slows us down.

So what's the weight in my life? The sin in my life is pretty obvious. I've held bitterness towards several of my friends. I'm selfish. I'm arrogant, but then I often don't think highly of myself. I see that sin, but I often choose to ignore it. But when I think about the weight that trips me, it's a little bit harder. I had to deal with the weight issue today. My insecurities are what trip me up the most.

I worry what people think of me too much. Which is selfish...because I'm thinking of me and how I'm received. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. I'm perfectly, wonderfully made, and that's the truth...whether I FEEL that way or not. Humility is an accurate perception of yourself. It's knowing our purpose, and our role in this race of life. My role is to encourage and love. Sometimes I don't do that because I don't want people to misread me. I think they may misinterpret my motives. But if my motives are pure, then what's there to question. It's silly and if I'm worried about people questioning my motives, then I need to question them. If I die to myself, then I shouldn't have to worry about what people are thinking. They don't need anything from me anyways, they need Jesus.

So my prayer today, is that I would stop focusing on myself and how I may look as I run the race. I want to run in faith. I pray that my heart would reflect the heart of God. It's His pure heart that guides me with His skillful hands. (Psalm 78:72)

What's the weight in your life??