Seriously...it's been over a year.

I can't believe I've been silent this long.

Gosh! I'm a loser!

I promise...I'll be better!

I feel better...

After I whined for a little while tonight and cried about a bunch of nothing...I feel better.

I think I'm just super overwhelmed with life right now. I just signed a lease on half of a house in East Nashville. Super excited about it, but I really don't have time right now to deal with moving. Oh well...it'll work.

In the process, I've decide my bedroom furniture won't fit, so I'm getting new stuff. Which is stressful. Don't know why, but it is. :) I'm ridiculous! I know. I'm hopefully going to be able to move some furniture up there on Sunday, but then I leave early Monday morning to go to Chicago for a couple of days with work. So of course, I need to pack! Sometime.

I've never been to Chicago, so it should be fun. We're doing a site visit for a meeting that we're producing in September. So I will have several meetings at the various venues and then we'll be doing lots of walking and I'll be taking lots of notes. There will be some time for fun though and definitely a nice dinner on Monday night. It's a nice perk when it's a small group and you're hanging with the president of your company. :) Thanks Mark!

So...just a little update. I'm sorry I've been a bad friend and I'm not responding to voicemails, emails, text messages, etc. I'm just stressed and always going and doing stuff. Hopefully when I get moved in, life will be a little bit more chill and lax.

LOVE.

Today is poopy...

I got my feelings hurt in the first 10 minutes of my day. I let it set the tone for the rest the day. Makes me mad at myself.

I shouldn't let people affect me so much.

How do you guys deal with hurt feelings??

Texas...recap

Well, it is my last night here in Dallas. I fly back to Nashville tomorrow at 12:45. Ginger is taking me to the airport on her way to work, so I'll have a couple of hours to kill at Love Field. I checked....there is a Starbucks. So it'll be fine and good!

I had a list of things that I had hoped to accomplish while here. A few can be marked off. I hope my time in the airport tomorrow will allow me to be productive. The main thing I really want to get done is put together a budget. I'm really not that great with money. I don't think I spend like crazy, but I do feel like I could be quite a bit better at saving and at paying off my debt more quickly. Plus I'm starting to feel a bit guilty about the two pairs of shoes that I bought this weekend. So starting this week....I'm going to commit to being a better steward of what I have.

Here's a quick run down of what I did this week. (in bullet points!! for you my friend)

- Flights from Nashville to Houston then Houston to Dallas on Thursday night. Lots of turbulence and a longer delay in Houston. Just enough time for me to puke in the bathroom. I get to Dallas and Ginger meets me at baggage claim. So good to see her!

- Friday was perfect. G had to work, so I stayed at her apartment, in my PJ's, all day. I read, I napped, and that's it! Didn't turn on the TV once! We had dinner at Chuy's with Ms. Heather Snell and then we grabbed some ice cream and came back home. Pretty low key...very fun!

- Saturday we went shopping. I bought some fun stuff at this high end mall. If I had been by myself, I might've been a bit intimidated...but when you have a friend with you, it's easier to laugh at the old, rich women who are wearing their fancy scarves and high heels when they go shopping at Neiman Marcus. Bought some shoes at Urban Outfitters and a few other random things. After I spent more money than I had planned, we went and saw a matinee. The Magnolia shows mostly independent films and old movies. We saw Son of Ranbow and then had dinner at BJs. We made another stop at Chuy's for some margaritas and chips w/dip. Good Good Good!

- Sunday was church at 9 am. Great great service...I'll tell more about that in another blog. Then we went to Super Target where I bought another pair of shoes and a couple of new blouses. We had Rudy's BBQ with Hilary and Jude and then we went to IKEA. Which pretty much changed my life. I always made fun of people who talked about IKEA and how great it is and how much they wish there was one close by. But now I am one of those dorky people. It was fun. After shopping, we came back and watched Dead Poets Society and chilled. We ate dinner at Ghengis Grill and came home and watched the Holiday. I had never seen either of these movies and was really impressed with both.

- Today, I got up and cooked breakfast. A little bit of sausage and gravy with biscuits. We got cleaned up and then went to Sam Moons with Angel. This store has every accessory you could ever need. I refrained and only bought one pair of earrings. We had lunch at this super cute french bistro. Came back to the apartment and took naps. I wish I could take a nap every day! I love them. After we woke up, we ate at Chip's Old Fashioned Burgers and then went to Starbucks over in the West Village. We went back to the Magnolia and watched Mister Lonely. I really enjoyed...Ginger didn't so much. It was definitely a weird flick.

That's my trip in a nutshell. I've had lots of time to rest and reflect. I feel like when I get home, I'll be able to approach things with a clear mind. A new chapter is starting in my life. I'm excited about it...and once I've processed through everything that I'm feeling, I'll share.

Well, it's 12:30 and I have to get up early so we can leave by 8:30. It'll be good to be back in Nashville. See you soon!

It's better when you don't plan it...

So...tonight was good. After an intense day at the office. We ended up on an improv Arby's date night. Definitely fun times with Brand.

And then...the perfect ending.

Good Night Loves!

Intimacy

Here's what wikipedia says...

"Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving and vulnerable. Intimacy requires identity development. You have to know yourself and your inner self in order to share your self with another. "


Honestly, being intimate with someone scares me. I'm not talking about intimacy in a physical sense. I'm referring to emotional intimacy...where you allow someone to really know you and they allow you to know them. Here's my issue. I love people and I love hearing their stories. I don't enjoy surface conversations as much anymore. I want to know what's going on in the depths. I feel like God has given me a gift in approaching others and making them feel comfortable around me. I love that.

On the flip side...you wanna see the depths of who I am? You really want to know me? AHHHHHH!!!!! Run away!! You're not going to like me. You're not going to accept me. You'll probably not come back again. That's how I feel and that's how I react. I hate that.

I had a great conversation with a couple of friends last night. At 2 am, we were discussing relationships and how freakin' hard they can be. (Great thinking happens late at night you know!) I was really encouraged and at the same time, I left feeling incredibly inadequate. I'm learning so much about myself right now. I don't really know how to put this into words yet. It's painful and beautiful.

More to come...

2nd Quarter Brain Dump...

Since I only blog every 4 months, I thought I better make this a good one. Hundreds...no thousands of readers want to know!

What's going on with Mel Barnett!?!?!

Well...I've been at work. I'm always at work. And I really love my job. So it's not a bad thing. Check out Anode. It's a cool place and I work with wicked cool and insanely talented people there.

I'm still living at home in Smyrna. It's not what I would prefer, but it makes sense for now. My brother just bought a house, so I'll probably be helping him out in the next couple of weeks to get things ready for him to move it. I'm pretty happy for Chris.

Today as I was leaving work I was walking down 2nd Ave with my friend Isaac.(sidenote: Isaac and I have been friends since 4th grade...and he is who recommended me for the job at Anode.) As we were walking to our parking lot, a van started honking their horn at us. This happens often, because it's Nashville and people are crazy and they honk their horn just to annoy me. But this time, I heard the horn and then someone yelled my name. I looked over and see two familiar faces. Aaron and Jamie were on their way to a Compassion dinner for GMA week. They pulled over to the side of the road and we were able to chat for a minute. The 2 minutes I spent with them completely turned my day around. Let me explain the significance of this little encounter today with the Iveys.

I have to start with yesterday. Sunday was an emotional, all around crappy day for me. Without going into the dumpy details, I'll just say...I think way too much about things and about life. And therefore, I spin myself into a funk. The funk ran through the afternoon and then followed me to sleep last night bringing out a few tears along the way. I woke up this morning to my alarm and I realized that my Sunday funk was now a Monday morning headache. So instead of choosing to start fresh...I decide to drag my bad attitude with me to work.

I spent the first couple of hours trying to gear up for the week. Of course I was slightly rude to those around me and I completely ignored someone who has become an incredible friend. So about 11:30, I realized that I was being a complete jerk and I tried to salvage what I could. Apparently, it's too late and I've forced us into "let's be weird" world. Which then just frustrated me more because it's totally my fault. So the rest of the day, I'm trying to do my job and the whole time my mind is thinking, "Why am I so unstable? What can I do to fix this? Why is it that I think I have control of my live? Why do I alienate those around me?" Blah blah blah, you know the feeling.

So...it was a bad day. And as I was leaving work, honestly the only thought on my mind was...Thank God this day is over. And then we saw the Iveys. The 2 minute conversation wasn't anything life changing. It was no more than "hey what are you doing here" and "have a great night." Of course Haiti was mentioned and we talked about their kids. My friend Brandon walked up just in time to meet them as well. And then Isaac, Brandon and I continued walking down the street to our cars.

The coolest thing happened though. After I walked away from Jamie and Aaron, my attitude had changed. In fact, my whole demeanor had changed. Isaac said it was amazing how different those 2 minutes made. He and Brandon both commented on how they must be some really good friends and how it was pretty obvious that they loved Jesus. I agreed with them. Yes...my attitude had changed and yes...they are pretty great friends.

And tonight, as I think about this little encounter...I'm just incredibly thankful for the wonderful people I have in my life. I've been blessed to have an extended family of people who make others feel alive just by being around. And it's not because of who they are or what they do; it's because they follow Jesus and love Him and love the things He loves. That's a pretty cool way to influence people if you ask me. And I can only hope to be more like them and more like Him.

January 1, 2008

So it's the new year. I was feeling very un-sentimental today...so I decided to do some cleaning. Which really just translates to, "I'm fed up with this mess and I'm throwing everything away!"

As I went through my room, I found lots of shopping bags and lots of receipts. Mind you, I haven't balanced my checkbook in years so the presence of receipts is just a symptom of being lazy...not organized. Apparently whatever I buy, whether it's shoes or purses or clothes, I usually just take it out of the bag and throw the bag on the floor. So I threw away at least 15 empty shoe boxes today. They were all under by bed and shoved by my desk. I'm such a slob!

The End.

I'm rubber, you're glue...

...is a load of crap. The fact is...words can hurt.

I've spent the better part of this weekend pushing and pulling through a conversation I had on Friday. Yesterday I was frustrated. I was embarassed. I was hurt. Today, I was just sad.

The details of what was said and who said what doesn't matter. A lot of times people say things they don't mean. It's hard to communicate how you really feel sometimes. And then when we try to we end up feeling a silly or we say things we wish we hadn't.

I would consider myself a pretty understanding person. I'm also an intuitive person. And in situations like this, what was actually communicated doesn't really bother me. It's the underlying emotions behind what was said. The conversation was simply a symptom of the real issue. And that is what is killing me right now. The truth is, I have absolutely no control in this situation.

Today was one of those days where I feel so incomplete. Today was a moment where I felt like if my circumstances were a little different, I would be happy. Today...I wished I was someone else.

And that stinks.



On another note, I had a MRI scan on Friday. It was a horrible 2 hour ordeal. I had to lay still for over an hour on this table as they pushed me into a big tube. Did I mention I'm claustrophobic? So many random thoughts during my time in the tunnel. I'll share those later. Pray my Dr calls me early in the week with the results. Thanks for your prayers.

Friday after Thanksgiving...no work for Mel!

I slept in till 9:30 am.

Got dressed at 5:30 pm.

And that's just because I didn't want the pizza delivery guy to see me in my PJ's. :) Thank you Papa Johns!

It's been a good day. Now I just need to get rid of this cold!

A quick snapshot of Mel....

It’s been a while since my last update. There are so many things I want to share. The last couple of months have been quite eventful. Here’s the short version in bullet points. I’ll probably have to explain more later on some of them. =)

• My best friend got married. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. I’ll definitely be blogging about that later.

• My car was broken in to. My laptop was stolen. I was PISSED.

• I got a phone call from a random person and my laptop was returned. It was over $300 to get my window fixed…but I’ve never been so humbled in my entire life. Another blog for this one.

• Work is going great. I’ve been really busy lately and I tend to work an extra hour or so each day. I love what I do. I love the people I work with.

• This is the company I work for. www.anode.com

• I leave my house at 7 am and I usually get home at 6:30 pm. I go to bed at 9. I’m not a huge fan of living so far away from my office.

• I feel like I don’t have a lot of time to myself. And I definitely don’t have a lot of time for friends. It’s lonely.

• Over the past two weeks I’ve had several blood tests, lab work, and a CT scan. I got a call from my doctor on Thursday. It’s been six months since my last round of tests. And there’s no improvement. So…she wants to do more tests. I have to do a MRI on my head.

• I get claustrophobic. So I really hate the idea of laying there and having my head stuck in a loud machine where I can’t move!

• I wake up at least once, sometimes twice, a night with horrible leg cramps. Sometimes it takes up to 20 minutes before they stop.

• It’s really cold in my room right now.

• It’s 7:30 am on Saturday. I’ve been up since 6:15. L

• As I’m typing this, a team of about 40 people are getting ready to board a plane to Haiti. This is the first November in 4 years that I will not be with that team.

• I really miss being a part of the ministry with Haiti. Something in my heart tells me that I’ll never go back.

• It amazes me how much time changes things.
  

• I love the smell of Clinique Happy Heart perfume.

• I’m hanging out with some of my best girl friends tonight. I see them maybe once every two months. I cherish them dearly.

I’m going to go scramble some eggs for breakfast now. I’ll write again soon. I promise. Happy Weekend!!

Sunday Afternoons...

When I think of Sunday afternoons, many things come to mind. There's the big lunch after church with friends and family. Football, nap time, maybe an afternoon movie. In the last couple of years, I would often kill some time for a bit and then end up at my favorite coffee shop in Nashville to hang out with friends or catch up on some reading. Sunday afternoons were always a time to relax, and prepare for the week ahead. Oh...and at 8pm, Desperate Housewives comes on. So really...there's a lot to look forward to!

Today...my alarm went off and as soon as I hit snooze I had a choice. Get up, get ready, go to church, and enjoy my day. Or...stay in bed a bit longer. I chose the later. I didn't sleep in long, but I did lay there and think about what this next week holds. I made a mental list of what I needed to do before Monday morning hits. I soon realized...there aren't enough hours in a day for me to do everything I needed to do. So I got up.

This past week has been quite eventful. Work was very busy. I worked late every night and tried to go in a bit early. My great uncle, who has lived next door to my parents for over 30 years, passed away on Thursday morning. He had been sick for a while and we all knew that his time was near. It was very peaceful and he was surrounded by family and friends who loved him. We had the funeral on Saturday and visitation on Friday. My Uncle Frank loved the Lord. He was in church every Sunday up until last week. Everyone who knew him, knew that He loved and served Jesus. What a legacy! It was so neat to watch my family and their friends come together to celebrate his life. Everyone kept talking about their old friends and how much they cherished them. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time with the family this weekend. It was so good.

This next week, I'll be able to rest a bit more. Work should be a good bit quieter this week. Actually, it'll be a lot quieter. So I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to be staying with my best friend for a couple of nights while her husband is out of town. It'll be really good to hang with her. I always feel rested and refreshed after spending time with her.

Just heard the dryer buzz, so I better go hang up my clothes and put in another load. Hopefully I'll start doing better at keeping up with this blog. There are several things that have been on my mind and in my heart that I want to share. Hopefully I'll get those out soon!

Please pray for the Wheelers....

Visit their blog.... http://www.thewheelerjourney.blogspot.com/

Chris and Lindsey have been in the process of adopting a little girl from Guatemala. It's been a really rough journey and yesterday they received some really devastating news. Their blog will tell you the whole story.

Be sure to send them some encouragement!

It's finally here!!!

I was so excited to see the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy last night! I think all of us were.

And then at the end of the show, the only thought in my mind was, "I've wasted an hour of my life."

SOOOO CHEESSY!!!

Was anyone else disappointed??

I'm a hypocritical blogger...

I realized this today. I become silently frustrated with people who don't update thier blogs every day. I start to feel disconnected or left out when I don't read what's going on with them. It's been almost two weeks since my last blog. I went in for a colonoscopy on Monday, Aug 6. I got my results on Monday, Aug 6. Here it is, Saturday Aug 18 and I'm just now updating. So much for keeping my readers on the edge of their seats. HA HA! :) This is why I'm not a writer!! :)

So...what did ole Doc say about my colon. First off, I don't remember anything. I remember freaking out all day Sunday...being sick because I was so hungry and mad that I was in the bathroom for 75% of the day. I get in, they hook me up to the IV, which left a nasty bruise on my hand, and then I get rolled back into a dark room. A few seconds later, I wake up in the same place they had put in the IV and 10 minutes later, I was in the car on my way home. I felt drunk...that was it.

As soon as I came to, my dad and Dr were talking and he said he was really surprised. I have diverticulitis. Which pretty much anyone over 80 years old have and 50% of 60 year olds have. It usually doesn't show up until you're in your 50s, mostly in men. But luckily, in my 27 years of life, I've developed it. I've always been ahead of my time!! I'll let you google and figure out what this means. It's a bit gross, but it's manageable. So I'm increasing my fiber and I'm not allowed to eat things with small seeds. (ie. tomatoes, strawberries, sesame seeds, or any kind of nuts) Lettuce is a huge trigger too...which makes sense as to why I would feel nauseated after eating a salad. OH...and I should watch out for fried foods. So lots of fresh fruit and veggies and bran. mmmm...yucky...I mean yummy. (I need a new attitude!) And I'm on Nexium and another pill that I put under my tongue to dissolve before I eat. It helps to keep my stomach and colon from wigging out when I eat. I'm up to 5 different types of meds each day with a total of 13 pills per day. It's like I'm 70.

So...pretty much everything that I liked, I can't have any more. The worse thing is I can't eat popcorn. I LOVE POPCORN! But this will be good for me. I need more discipline in my life. I need to be more intentional on eating healthy and being healthier overall. They said that raising my activity level will be positive for the condition as well. So, I'm still working towards the 5K in October. Even though I haven't done the first mile....it's 105 degrees for crying out loud!!

In summary, I have the colon of a 70 year old man and I have to start eating healthy and get my butt off the couch. Happy Saturday!!

How are your bowels moving this week??

Today sucks.

I'm in such a bad mood, so please excuse my attitude. I just needed to vent a little bit.

If you're a personal friend of mine then you know that the last couple of years, I have had issues with my health. I've seen several different doctors and specialists. I've done every type of test you can think of and I've had countless scans, etc. etc. All of them have ideas as to what my condition is, but none of them can come up with a firm diagnosis. So I'm on some heavy meds that don't seem to be helping for condition that they aren't sure that I have. Some days I feel fine, then there are other days where I'm sick or just in a weird mood. I guess you can call it mood swings...I don't know. But over the last 8 months, my stomach has been wacked. It started when I came back from Haiti in November. I went to the Dr...and they couldn't tell me anything, so I decided that this will just be normal for me and left it alone.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was having some pain in my side. It's happened before, but this time is really hurt. There were several other weird things (but I'll spare you the details.) I went to see my Dr and she referred me to another specialist. I made an appt, and he checked me out. He decided that I may have IBS. So tomorrow morning, I have to go to the hospital and have this little procedure done to check it out. Today, I can't eat anything...no solid foods...and I'm drinking some thick watery stuff to clean me out. You could call it extreme weight loss, I call it torture. I decided to just sit in my room and pout all day. I've got a couple of movies I could watch, and I'm going to drink my gingerale, eat my clear colored jello, and lemon pops.

BOO!! I hate this...

It's hard for me because I really wonder if they'll find anything. I mean, I've been through all this other crap and nothing, so why would this time be different. I'm so cynical I know...but I just can't be positive. We'll see...I'd appreciate some advice, encouragement, and definitely prayers.

Alright, gotta go pee...the liquid diet calls!!

It's fun Friday!!!

So it's been a crazy week. I feel like I've been going 100 mph the whole month of July!! It's the 20th for crying out loud!

This past weekend, I was so blessed to attend the wedding of Jimmie and Laura Ingram. If I knew how to post pictures....I would. Maybe later! :0) (I'm not as tech savvy as one might think!) The wedding was wonderful. Laura was beautiful in her gown. I've never seen anyone as proud as Jimmie. We were surrounded by great friends...who are more like family. It was just a great weekend.

This week...it's been fast and furious. Work is going good. Busy...which is great. I really love my job. I enjoy the people I work with. I feel like I'm good at what I do. It's very fulfilling. I'm thankful that God has brought me to this place. Life outside of work is good. I was able to catch up with some old friends this week. Ginger was here this weekend for the wedding and Heather is here for vacation this week. It's been great catching up and hanging out.

Yesterday, I did something for the very first time. It's something that most of you have done many times, but I just never have gotten around to it. I decided to go get a pedicure. Yup...first time. Very disappointing!! I thought there would be more to it. I guess that's what I get for going to a place I've never been to by myself. I only paid $20...so I guess I should've gotten the deluxe or something! Oh well...next time, I'll go with my girls and we'll hit up the spa! :)

I made another decision yesterday. I've decided that I'm going to sign up for the 5K in Germantown. They have a 5K run/walk in October for their Oktoberfest. I think it's a good goal. It's several months away, I've only walked like a mile at a time over the past 10 years...so maybe I can work up to 3 or so in a couple of months. :) wish me luck!!!

Random thought....a co worker just walked in and showed me this video. I laughed pretty hard....let me know what you think. :)

A few simple words can make someone's day...

Long story short...I ran into an old friend last night. Actually, more like an aquaintance from about 10 years ago. He had gone to college with the girl I was hanging out with, so he remembered her well...but when I walked up...he was like, "Hey I remember you." A little bit shocked...because seriously, it had been a long time and we really didn't spend a lot of time hanging out before. So it was nice that he remembered.

Later that night he told me that I had the sweetest face. He said, that's why he remembered me so well. I have a sweet face. Totally made my night...and my day today for that matter. Which made me start thinking about this verse.

Proverbs 16:24 "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

It's so easy and so powerful. To be kind...to see something special in another person and to speak it into their life. There's healing in that. We have the power to give healing. So why don't I do it more? I'm thankful that someone spoke healing to me this week.

I just spent a quiet day with Jesus...

I had forgotten the beauty of a quiet day alone. It seems like life has been so busy the last few months. If you are a friend or have kept up with my blog, you know that I've had some pretty big life changes lately. New job, new place to live, new friends. Pretty much my average day to day is new. It's been good.

The last couple of weeks I've been house sitting for a family at my church. It's a pretty big house in Franklin, so another girl is staying here with me. She's an artist, so she's been traveling a lot doing retreats, concerts, and shows around the US. This week and next, she is on a mission trip to Slovenia. So, I'm staying at the house by myself. There's moments where I wig out and make myself scared over nothing. Then, there are those sweet moments, where I am able to just sit and soak and rest.

Today was one of those moments. Kairos....a unique moment in time. At church, we've been going through the book of Hebrews. We've spent the last several months in Chapter 11. Yup...my pastor has been teaching from Hebrews 11 for months. It's amazing to be part of a church that doesn't just hit the surface of truth. I love it. We've learned about Abraham, Noah, Joshua, the wall of Jericho falling, Rahab, and many more.

So...from learning about faith, I've been looking at my own faith the past couple of weeks. This morning, we started into Hebrews 12.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." (Heb 12:1-4)

Surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses, I spent today considering the race that God has set before me. I spent 3 years working full time in the ministry. However, I feel like I have had more opportunity to minister to those around me in the past 3 months vs. those 3 years. My prayer has been that I would be sensitive to the needs of those around me. Do they need encouragement? Do they need a kind word or a smile? Do they need someone to authentically care about them? I believe that everyone is in need of more love. So I give it. Or at least I give what I can...and hope that they can see Jesus through me. I feel like that's my race course.

The next part of this passage talks about laying aside the weight and sin that holds us back. I never thought about it this way, but weight and sin could be considered as two different things. Sin is sin. It sucks...it separates us from our God. The weight he talks about could be a variety of things. It doesn't have to be sin, it could be considered a "good"thing. Weight is what trips us up in the race. It's what holds us back. It may be what makes us look over our shoulder and loose focus on the race. It's what slows us down.

So what's the weight in my life? The sin in my life is pretty obvious. I've held bitterness towards several of my friends. I'm selfish. I'm arrogant, but then I often don't think highly of myself. I see that sin, but I often choose to ignore it. But when I think about the weight that trips me, it's a little bit harder. I had to deal with the weight issue today. My insecurities are what trip me up the most.

I worry what people think of me too much. Which is selfish...because I'm thinking of me and how I'm received. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. I'm perfectly, wonderfully made, and that's the truth...whether I FEEL that way or not. Humility is an accurate perception of yourself. It's knowing our purpose, and our role in this race of life. My role is to encourage and love. Sometimes I don't do that because I don't want people to misread me. I think they may misinterpret my motives. But if my motives are pure, then what's there to question. It's silly and if I'm worried about people questioning my motives, then I need to question them. If I die to myself, then I shouldn't have to worry about what people are thinking. They don't need anything from me anyways, they need Jesus.

So my prayer today, is that I would stop focusing on myself and how I may look as I run the race. I want to run in faith. I pray that my heart would reflect the heart of God. It's His pure heart that guides me with His skillful hands. (Psalm 78:72)

What's the weight in your life??

Beautiful Words from Beautiful People

"We are called to hold our hands against the wounds of the broken world...to stop the bleeding." -Don Miller

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." -Mother Teresa