I'm in such a bad mood, so please excuse my attitude. I just needed to vent a little bit.
If you're a personal friend of mine then you know that the last couple of years, I have had issues with my health. I've seen several different doctors and specialists. I've done every type of test you can think of and I've had countless scans, etc. etc. All of them have ideas as to what my condition is, but none of them can come up with a firm diagnosis. So I'm on some heavy meds that don't seem to be helping for condition that they aren't sure that I have. Some days I feel fine, then there are other days where I'm sick or just in a weird mood. I guess you can call it mood swings...I don't know. But over the last 8 months, my stomach has been wacked. It started when I came back from Haiti in November. I went to the Dr...and they couldn't tell me anything, so I decided that this will just be normal for me and left it alone.
So a couple of weeks ago, I was having some pain in my side. It's happened before, but this time is really hurt. There were several other weird things (but I'll spare you the details.) I went to see my Dr and she referred me to another specialist. I made an appt, and he checked me out. He decided that I may have IBS. So tomorrow morning, I have to go to the hospital and have this little procedure done to check it out. Today, I can't eat anything...no solid foods...and I'm drinking some thick watery stuff to clean me out. You could call it extreme weight loss, I call it torture. I decided to just sit in my room and pout all day. I've got a couple of movies I could watch, and I'm going to drink my gingerale, eat my clear colored jello, and lemon pops.
BOO!! I hate this...
It's hard for me because I really wonder if they'll find anything. I mean, I've been through all this other crap and nothing, so why would this time be different. I'm so cynical I know...but I just can't be positive. We'll see...I'd appreciate some advice, encouragement, and definitely prayers.
Alright, gotta go pee...the liquid diet calls!!
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
It's fun Friday!!!
So it's been a crazy week. I feel like I've been going 100 mph the whole month of July!! It's the 20th for crying out loud!
This past weekend, I was so blessed to attend the wedding of Jimmie and Laura Ingram. If I knew how to post pictures....I would. Maybe later! :0) (I'm not as tech savvy as one might think!) The wedding was wonderful. Laura was beautiful in her gown. I've never seen anyone as proud as Jimmie. We were surrounded by great friends...who are more like family. It was just a great weekend.
This week...it's been fast and furious. Work is going good. Busy...which is great. I really love my job. I enjoy the people I work with. I feel like I'm good at what I do. It's very fulfilling. I'm thankful that God has brought me to this place. Life outside of work is good. I was able to catch up with some old friends this week. Ginger was here this weekend for the wedding and Heather is here for vacation this week. It's been great catching up and hanging out.
Yesterday, I did something for the very first time. It's something that most of you have done many times, but I just never have gotten around to it. I decided to go get a pedicure. Yup...first time. Very disappointing!! I thought there would be more to it. I guess that's what I get for going to a place I've never been to by myself. I only paid $20...so I guess I should've gotten the deluxe or something! Oh well...next time, I'll go with my girls and we'll hit up the spa! :)
I made another decision yesterday. I've decided that I'm going to sign up for the 5K in Germantown. They have a 5K run/walk in October for their Oktoberfest. I think it's a good goal. It's several months away, I've only walked like a mile at a time over the past 10 years...so maybe I can work up to 3 or so in a couple of months. :) wish me luck!!!
Random thought....a co worker just walked in and showed me this video. I laughed pretty hard....let me know what you think. :)
This past weekend, I was so blessed to attend the wedding of Jimmie and Laura Ingram. If I knew how to post pictures....I would. Maybe later! :0) (I'm not as tech savvy as one might think!) The wedding was wonderful. Laura was beautiful in her gown. I've never seen anyone as proud as Jimmie. We were surrounded by great friends...who are more like family. It was just a great weekend.
This week...it's been fast and furious. Work is going good. Busy...which is great. I really love my job. I enjoy the people I work with. I feel like I'm good at what I do. It's very fulfilling. I'm thankful that God has brought me to this place. Life outside of work is good. I was able to catch up with some old friends this week. Ginger was here this weekend for the wedding and Heather is here for vacation this week. It's been great catching up and hanging out.
Yesterday, I did something for the very first time. It's something that most of you have done many times, but I just never have gotten around to it. I decided to go get a pedicure. Yup...first time. Very disappointing!! I thought there would be more to it. I guess that's what I get for going to a place I've never been to by myself. I only paid $20...so I guess I should've gotten the deluxe or something! Oh well...next time, I'll go with my girls and we'll hit up the spa! :)
I made another decision yesterday. I've decided that I'm going to sign up for the 5K in Germantown. They have a 5K run/walk in October for their Oktoberfest. I think it's a good goal. It's several months away, I've only walked like a mile at a time over the past 10 years...so maybe I can work up to 3 or so in a couple of months. :) wish me luck!!!
Random thought....a co worker just walked in and showed me this video. I laughed pretty hard....let me know what you think. :)
Thursday, July 5, 2007
A few simple words can make someone's day...
Long story short...I ran into an old friend last night. Actually, more like an aquaintance from about 10 years ago. He had gone to college with the girl I was hanging out with, so he remembered her well...but when I walked up...he was like, "Hey I remember you." A little bit shocked...because seriously, it had been a long time and we really didn't spend a lot of time hanging out before. So it was nice that he remembered.
Later that night he told me that I had the sweetest face. He said, that's why he remembered me so well. I have a sweet face. Totally made my night...and my day today for that matter. Which made me start thinking about this verse.
Proverbs 16:24 "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
It's so easy and so powerful. To be kind...to see something special in another person and to speak it into their life. There's healing in that. We have the power to give healing. So why don't I do it more? I'm thankful that someone spoke healing to me this week.
Later that night he told me that I had the sweetest face. He said, that's why he remembered me so well. I have a sweet face. Totally made my night...and my day today for that matter. Which made me start thinking about this verse.
Proverbs 16:24 "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
It's so easy and so powerful. To be kind...to see something special in another person and to speak it into their life. There's healing in that. We have the power to give healing. So why don't I do it more? I'm thankful that someone spoke healing to me this week.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I just spent a quiet day with Jesus...
I had forgotten the beauty of a quiet day alone. It seems like life has been so busy the last few months. If you are a friend or have kept up with my blog, you know that I've had some pretty big life changes lately. New job, new place to live, new friends. Pretty much my average day to day is new. It's been good.
The last couple of weeks I've been house sitting for a family at my church. It's a pretty big house in Franklin, so another girl is staying here with me. She's an artist, so she's been traveling a lot doing retreats, concerts, and shows around the US. This week and next, she is on a mission trip to Slovenia. So, I'm staying at the house by myself. There's moments where I wig out and make myself scared over nothing. Then, there are those sweet moments, where I am able to just sit and soak and rest.
Today was one of those moments. Kairos....a unique moment in time. At church, we've been going through the book of Hebrews. We've spent the last several months in Chapter 11. Yup...my pastor has been teaching from Hebrews 11 for months. It's amazing to be part of a church that doesn't just hit the surface of truth. I love it. We've learned about Abraham, Noah, Joshua, the wall of Jericho falling, Rahab, and many more.
So...from learning about faith, I've been looking at my own faith the past couple of weeks. This morning, we started into Hebrews 12.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." (Heb 12:1-4)
Surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses, I spent today considering the race that God has set before me. I spent 3 years working full time in the ministry. However, I feel like I have had more opportunity to minister to those around me in the past 3 months vs. those 3 years. My prayer has been that I would be sensitive to the needs of those around me. Do they need encouragement? Do they need a kind word or a smile? Do they need someone to authentically care about them? I believe that everyone is in need of more love. So I give it. Or at least I give what I can...and hope that they can see Jesus through me. I feel like that's my race course.
The next part of this passage talks about laying aside the weight and sin that holds us back. I never thought about it this way, but weight and sin could be considered as two different things. Sin is sin. It sucks...it separates us from our God. The weight he talks about could be a variety of things. It doesn't have to be sin, it could be considered a "good"thing. Weight is what trips us up in the race. It's what holds us back. It may be what makes us look over our shoulder and loose focus on the race. It's what slows us down.
So what's the weight in my life? The sin in my life is pretty obvious. I've held bitterness towards several of my friends. I'm selfish. I'm arrogant, but then I often don't think highly of myself. I see that sin, but I often choose to ignore it. But when I think about the weight that trips me, it's a little bit harder. I had to deal with the weight issue today. My insecurities are what trip me up the most.
I worry what people think of me too much. Which is selfish...because I'm thinking of me and how I'm received. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. I'm perfectly, wonderfully made, and that's the truth...whether I FEEL that way or not. Humility is an accurate perception of yourself. It's knowing our purpose, and our role in this race of life. My role is to encourage and love. Sometimes I don't do that because I don't want people to misread me. I think they may misinterpret my motives. But if my motives are pure, then what's there to question. It's silly and if I'm worried about people questioning my motives, then I need to question them. If I die to myself, then I shouldn't have to worry about what people are thinking. They don't need anything from me anyways, they need Jesus.
So my prayer today, is that I would stop focusing on myself and how I may look as I run the race. I want to run in faith. I pray that my heart would reflect the heart of God. It's His pure heart that guides me with His skillful hands. (Psalm 78:72)
What's the weight in your life??
The last couple of weeks I've been house sitting for a family at my church. It's a pretty big house in Franklin, so another girl is staying here with me. She's an artist, so she's been traveling a lot doing retreats, concerts, and shows around the US. This week and next, she is on a mission trip to Slovenia. So, I'm staying at the house by myself. There's moments where I wig out and make myself scared over nothing. Then, there are those sweet moments, where I am able to just sit and soak and rest.
Today was one of those moments. Kairos....a unique moment in time. At church, we've been going through the book of Hebrews. We've spent the last several months in Chapter 11. Yup...my pastor has been teaching from Hebrews 11 for months. It's amazing to be part of a church that doesn't just hit the surface of truth. I love it. We've learned about Abraham, Noah, Joshua, the wall of Jericho falling, Rahab, and many more.
So...from learning about faith, I've been looking at my own faith the past couple of weeks. This morning, we started into Hebrews 12.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." (Heb 12:1-4)
Surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses, I spent today considering the race that God has set before me. I spent 3 years working full time in the ministry. However, I feel like I have had more opportunity to minister to those around me in the past 3 months vs. those 3 years. My prayer has been that I would be sensitive to the needs of those around me. Do they need encouragement? Do they need a kind word or a smile? Do they need someone to authentically care about them? I believe that everyone is in need of more love. So I give it. Or at least I give what I can...and hope that they can see Jesus through me. I feel like that's my race course.
The next part of this passage talks about laying aside the weight and sin that holds us back. I never thought about it this way, but weight and sin could be considered as two different things. Sin is sin. It sucks...it separates us from our God. The weight he talks about could be a variety of things. It doesn't have to be sin, it could be considered a "good"thing. Weight is what trips us up in the race. It's what holds us back. It may be what makes us look over our shoulder and loose focus on the race. It's what slows us down.
So what's the weight in my life? The sin in my life is pretty obvious. I've held bitterness towards several of my friends. I'm selfish. I'm arrogant, but then I often don't think highly of myself. I see that sin, but I often choose to ignore it. But when I think about the weight that trips me, it's a little bit harder. I had to deal with the weight issue today. My insecurities are what trip me up the most.
I worry what people think of me too much. Which is selfish...because I'm thinking of me and how I'm received. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. I'm perfectly, wonderfully made, and that's the truth...whether I FEEL that way or not. Humility is an accurate perception of yourself. It's knowing our purpose, and our role in this race of life. My role is to encourage and love. Sometimes I don't do that because I don't want people to misread me. I think they may misinterpret my motives. But if my motives are pure, then what's there to question. It's silly and if I'm worried about people questioning my motives, then I need to question them. If I die to myself, then I shouldn't have to worry about what people are thinking. They don't need anything from me anyways, they need Jesus.
So my prayer today, is that I would stop focusing on myself and how I may look as I run the race. I want to run in faith. I pray that my heart would reflect the heart of God. It's His pure heart that guides me with His skillful hands. (Psalm 78:72)
What's the weight in your life??
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Beautiful Words from Beautiful People
"We are called to hold our hands against the wounds of the broken world...to stop the bleeding." -Don Miller
"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." -Mother Teresa
"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." -Mother Teresa
Friday, June 15, 2007
I'm Pro-Choice...
I choose LOVE... No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.
I choose JOY... I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to cynical... the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose PEACE... I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose PATIENCE... I will overlook the inconveniences of this world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose KINDNESS... I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose GOODNESS... I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose FAITHFULNESS... Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My husband will not question my love. And my children will always know I will come home.
I choose GENTLENESS... Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it only be in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. And If I make a demand, may it be only of me.
I choose SELF CONTROL... I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will not, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be full of only joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only be Christ.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will see His Grace.
I choose JOY... I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to cynical... the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose PEACE... I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose PATIENCE... I will overlook the inconveniences of this world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose KINDNESS... I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose GOODNESS... I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose FAITHFULNESS... Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My husband will not question my love. And my children will always know I will come home.
I choose GENTLENESS... Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it only be in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. And If I make a demand, may it be only of me.
I choose SELF CONTROL... I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will not, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be full of only joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only be Christ.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will see His Grace.
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