Intimacy

Here's what wikipedia says...

"Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving and vulnerable. Intimacy requires identity development. You have to know yourself and your inner self in order to share your self with another. "


Honestly, being intimate with someone scares me. I'm not talking about intimacy in a physical sense. I'm referring to emotional intimacy...where you allow someone to really know you and they allow you to know them. Here's my issue. I love people and I love hearing their stories. I don't enjoy surface conversations as much anymore. I want to know what's going on in the depths. I feel like God has given me a gift in approaching others and making them feel comfortable around me. I love that.

On the flip side...you wanna see the depths of who I am? You really want to know me? AHHHHHH!!!!! Run away!! You're not going to like me. You're not going to accept me. You'll probably not come back again. That's how I feel and that's how I react. I hate that.

I had a great conversation with a couple of friends last night. At 2 am, we were discussing relationships and how freakin' hard they can be. (Great thinking happens late at night you know!) I was really encouraged and at the same time, I left feeling incredibly inadequate. I'm learning so much about myself right now. I don't really know how to put this into words yet. It's painful and beautiful.

More to come...