I feel better...

After I whined for a little while tonight and cried about a bunch of nothing...I feel better.

I think I'm just super overwhelmed with life right now. I just signed a lease on half of a house in East Nashville. Super excited about it, but I really don't have time right now to deal with moving. Oh well...it'll work.

In the process, I've decide my bedroom furniture won't fit, so I'm getting new stuff. Which is stressful. Don't know why, but it is. :) I'm ridiculous! I know. I'm hopefully going to be able to move some furniture up there on Sunday, but then I leave early Monday morning to go to Chicago for a couple of days with work. So of course, I need to pack! Sometime.

I've never been to Chicago, so it should be fun. We're doing a site visit for a meeting that we're producing in September. So I will have several meetings at the various venues and then we'll be doing lots of walking and I'll be taking lots of notes. There will be some time for fun though and definitely a nice dinner on Monday night. It's a nice perk when it's a small group and you're hanging with the president of your company. :) Thanks Mark!

So...just a little update. I'm sorry I've been a bad friend and I'm not responding to voicemails, emails, text messages, etc. I'm just stressed and always going and doing stuff. Hopefully when I get moved in, life will be a little bit more chill and lax.

LOVE.

Today is poopy...

I got my feelings hurt in the first 10 minutes of my day. I let it set the tone for the rest the day. Makes me mad at myself.

I shouldn't let people affect me so much.

How do you guys deal with hurt feelings??

Texas...recap

Well, it is my last night here in Dallas. I fly back to Nashville tomorrow at 12:45. Ginger is taking me to the airport on her way to work, so I'll have a couple of hours to kill at Love Field. I checked....there is a Starbucks. So it'll be fine and good!

I had a list of things that I had hoped to accomplish while here. A few can be marked off. I hope my time in the airport tomorrow will allow me to be productive. The main thing I really want to get done is put together a budget. I'm really not that great with money. I don't think I spend like crazy, but I do feel like I could be quite a bit better at saving and at paying off my debt more quickly. Plus I'm starting to feel a bit guilty about the two pairs of shoes that I bought this weekend. So starting this week....I'm going to commit to being a better steward of what I have.

Here's a quick run down of what I did this week. (in bullet points!! for you my friend)

- Flights from Nashville to Houston then Houston to Dallas on Thursday night. Lots of turbulence and a longer delay in Houston. Just enough time for me to puke in the bathroom. I get to Dallas and Ginger meets me at baggage claim. So good to see her!

- Friday was perfect. G had to work, so I stayed at her apartment, in my PJ's, all day. I read, I napped, and that's it! Didn't turn on the TV once! We had dinner at Chuy's with Ms. Heather Snell and then we grabbed some ice cream and came back home. Pretty low key...very fun!

- Saturday we went shopping. I bought some fun stuff at this high end mall. If I had been by myself, I might've been a bit intimidated...but when you have a friend with you, it's easier to laugh at the old, rich women who are wearing their fancy scarves and high heels when they go shopping at Neiman Marcus. Bought some shoes at Urban Outfitters and a few other random things. After I spent more money than I had planned, we went and saw a matinee. The Magnolia shows mostly independent films and old movies. We saw Son of Ranbow and then had dinner at BJs. We made another stop at Chuy's for some margaritas and chips w/dip. Good Good Good!

- Sunday was church at 9 am. Great great service...I'll tell more about that in another blog. Then we went to Super Target where I bought another pair of shoes and a couple of new blouses. We had Rudy's BBQ with Hilary and Jude and then we went to IKEA. Which pretty much changed my life. I always made fun of people who talked about IKEA and how great it is and how much they wish there was one close by. But now I am one of those dorky people. It was fun. After shopping, we came back and watched Dead Poets Society and chilled. We ate dinner at Ghengis Grill and came home and watched the Holiday. I had never seen either of these movies and was really impressed with both.

- Today, I got up and cooked breakfast. A little bit of sausage and gravy with biscuits. We got cleaned up and then went to Sam Moons with Angel. This store has every accessory you could ever need. I refrained and only bought one pair of earrings. We had lunch at this super cute french bistro. Came back to the apartment and took naps. I wish I could take a nap every day! I love them. After we woke up, we ate at Chip's Old Fashioned Burgers and then went to Starbucks over in the West Village. We went back to the Magnolia and watched Mister Lonely. I really enjoyed...Ginger didn't so much. It was definitely a weird flick.

That's my trip in a nutshell. I've had lots of time to rest and reflect. I feel like when I get home, I'll be able to approach things with a clear mind. A new chapter is starting in my life. I'm excited about it...and once I've processed through everything that I'm feeling, I'll share.

Well, it's 12:30 and I have to get up early so we can leave by 8:30. It'll be good to be back in Nashville. See you soon!

It's better when you don't plan it...

So...tonight was good. After an intense day at the office. We ended up on an improv Arby's date night. Definitely fun times with Brand.

And then...the perfect ending.

Good Night Loves!

Intimacy

Here's what wikipedia says...

"Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving and vulnerable. Intimacy requires identity development. You have to know yourself and your inner self in order to share your self with another. "


Honestly, being intimate with someone scares me. I'm not talking about intimacy in a physical sense. I'm referring to emotional intimacy...where you allow someone to really know you and they allow you to know them. Here's my issue. I love people and I love hearing their stories. I don't enjoy surface conversations as much anymore. I want to know what's going on in the depths. I feel like God has given me a gift in approaching others and making them feel comfortable around me. I love that.

On the flip side...you wanna see the depths of who I am? You really want to know me? AHHHHHH!!!!! Run away!! You're not going to like me. You're not going to accept me. You'll probably not come back again. That's how I feel and that's how I react. I hate that.

I had a great conversation with a couple of friends last night. At 2 am, we were discussing relationships and how freakin' hard they can be. (Great thinking happens late at night you know!) I was really encouraged and at the same time, I left feeling incredibly inadequate. I'm learning so much about myself right now. I don't really know how to put this into words yet. It's painful and beautiful.

More to come...

2nd Quarter Brain Dump...

Since I only blog every 4 months, I thought I better make this a good one. Hundreds...no thousands of readers want to know!

What's going on with Mel Barnett!?!?!

Well...I've been at work. I'm always at work. And I really love my job. So it's not a bad thing. Check out Anode. It's a cool place and I work with wicked cool and insanely talented people there.

I'm still living at home in Smyrna. It's not what I would prefer, but it makes sense for now. My brother just bought a house, so I'll probably be helping him out in the next couple of weeks to get things ready for him to move it. I'm pretty happy for Chris.

Today as I was leaving work I was walking down 2nd Ave with my friend Isaac.(sidenote: Isaac and I have been friends since 4th grade...and he is who recommended me for the job at Anode.) As we were walking to our parking lot, a van started honking their horn at us. This happens often, because it's Nashville and people are crazy and they honk their horn just to annoy me. But this time, I heard the horn and then someone yelled my name. I looked over and see two familiar faces. Aaron and Jamie were on their way to a Compassion dinner for GMA week. They pulled over to the side of the road and we were able to chat for a minute. The 2 minutes I spent with them completely turned my day around. Let me explain the significance of this little encounter today with the Iveys.

I have to start with yesterday. Sunday was an emotional, all around crappy day for me. Without going into the dumpy details, I'll just say...I think way too much about things and about life. And therefore, I spin myself into a funk. The funk ran through the afternoon and then followed me to sleep last night bringing out a few tears along the way. I woke up this morning to my alarm and I realized that my Sunday funk was now a Monday morning headache. So instead of choosing to start fresh...I decide to drag my bad attitude with me to work.

I spent the first couple of hours trying to gear up for the week. Of course I was slightly rude to those around me and I completely ignored someone who has become an incredible friend. So about 11:30, I realized that I was being a complete jerk and I tried to salvage what I could. Apparently, it's too late and I've forced us into "let's be weird" world. Which then just frustrated me more because it's totally my fault. So the rest of the day, I'm trying to do my job and the whole time my mind is thinking, "Why am I so unstable? What can I do to fix this? Why is it that I think I have control of my live? Why do I alienate those around me?" Blah blah blah, you know the feeling.

So...it was a bad day. And as I was leaving work, honestly the only thought on my mind was...Thank God this day is over. And then we saw the Iveys. The 2 minute conversation wasn't anything life changing. It was no more than "hey what are you doing here" and "have a great night." Of course Haiti was mentioned and we talked about their kids. My friend Brandon walked up just in time to meet them as well. And then Isaac, Brandon and I continued walking down the street to our cars.

The coolest thing happened though. After I walked away from Jamie and Aaron, my attitude had changed. In fact, my whole demeanor had changed. Isaac said it was amazing how different those 2 minutes made. He and Brandon both commented on how they must be some really good friends and how it was pretty obvious that they loved Jesus. I agreed with them. Yes...my attitude had changed and yes...they are pretty great friends.

And tonight, as I think about this little encounter...I'm just incredibly thankful for the wonderful people I have in my life. I've been blessed to have an extended family of people who make others feel alive just by being around. And it's not because of who they are or what they do; it's because they follow Jesus and love Him and love the things He loves. That's a pretty cool way to influence people if you ask me. And I can only hope to be more like them and more like Him.

January 1, 2008

So it's the new year. I was feeling very un-sentimental today...so I decided to do some cleaning. Which really just translates to, "I'm fed up with this mess and I'm throwing everything away!"

As I went through my room, I found lots of shopping bags and lots of receipts. Mind you, I haven't balanced my checkbook in years so the presence of receipts is just a symptom of being lazy...not organized. Apparently whatever I buy, whether it's shoes or purses or clothes, I usually just take it out of the bag and throw the bag on the floor. So I threw away at least 15 empty shoe boxes today. They were all under by bed and shoved by my desk. I'm such a slob!

The End.