Sometimes I feel like I’m not just changing to a new chapter; I’m starting a whole other book. The last couple of weeks can be summed up into one word…CHANGE. This word and what it entails can bring out so many different emotions. A person might be excited, a little scared, anxious, frustrated, angry, or just down right terrified. For me personally, I have felt the whole spectrum of emotions over the past six months.
Instead of ranting and rambling about everything that has gone on and is going on…I’m just going to tell you about my morning. It’s amazing how God uses the brief moments in our lives to clarify the big picture.
I woke up angry this morning. I wasn’t happy about my situation, the people in my situation, or what the day was going to bring. And to make matters worse…I overslept. So as I was rushing out of the apartment, I grabbed my makeup to do in the car (yes, yell at me…I hate it when people do that too!) and a cherry pop tart for the road. Which was quite disgusting by the time I made it to work because I failed to grab something to drink. I’m sure some of you can relate to pop tart dry mouth!!
So I’m driving to work and of course…traffic is horrible. I decided to get off at Murfreesboro Road and take it on in to downtown. It’s actually a lot quicker than one would think. As I pass by all the old hotels and businesses, I see myself approaching the “project” area of town. I used to get nervous in this area, but after working with inner city ministry, it doesn’t bother me in that way. As I drove past, I saw literally 100s of people walking on their way to work, school, or possibly to go shopping or to see a friend. Others were just sitting along the street waiting for the bus stop. What stuck out the most to me was that I didn’t see one smile in the crowd. It may be that it’s cloudy, it may be that they had a bad morning, or could it be that in their poverty, they lack joy along with possessions. My heart went out to them.
As I turned onto 2nd Ave to go to my parking lot and make it to work, just a couple of minutes behind, I thought about the people that lined the streets. My mind went to Haiti and the people that lined the streets there. In Haiti, you would have to multiply the poverty level by 100 and the number of people definitely increases to the 10s of 1,000s. But much of what I saw was the same. People were not smiling; those Haitians lacked something more in their lives too.
These images filled my thoughts as I walked down 2nd Avenue. I kept seeing the faces from the streets. And then I saw her, a short, round lady wobbling across the parking lot. She was carrying several grocery bags that were stuffed with trash. At least it looked like trash. She stopped next to the large garbage can and set all of her bags down. She picked up several things out of the trash and then I realized what she was doing. As she held up a potato chip bag and poured out any leftover crumbs into her hand. Unfortunately there wasn’t any. So she kept digging. And I kept walking. Neither of us acknowledged the other.
As I took the elevator up to my office, I couldn’t help but ask God why He put those people in my path this morning. I work in a super nice building, with cool people, and make good money. Should I feel guilty, should I give money to those people? What do I do now?
I sat down at my desk, got online and checked my MySpace, just like every person does first thing in the morning. And I saw the faces of the people who have frustrated me the most in the past couple of weeks. And then I realized that I wasn’t angry anymore. I was sad. Sad that I had wasted so much time being frustrated, that I held grudges and was being selfish. Why did I let someone else’s attitude and actions influence mine so greatly? Why did I blatantly sin like that? It was because I was thinking of me first. And for that I’m sorry Lord.
So today…I’m thankful for the traffic. I’m thankful that I hit the snooze button a couple of times. I am truly blessed beyond measure…regardless of how I might “feel” sometimes. I look forward to the story He is writing through me today. I trust the Author and I yield even if it means we’re starting a new book. Because it’s always better than what I would write anyway.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
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